my fingers tingle from too many cigarettes

I hate your imperfections  
your endless routine  
that ends where you began  
day after day  
unfinished story after  
unfinished story  
I hate the way you prefer  
the imaginary world to reality  
though the invisible friends in your head
make you no less lonely  
or hungry for more tangible connections
I hate the way you let the darkness
wrap itself around your soul  
in the middle of the day  
and pretend itís midnight  
always and forever  
telling yourself sleep is preferable  
to waking because at least  
in your sleep youíre free to breathe  
every escape you can imagine
I hate the way youíre afraid to smile
because you think it makes you less beautiful  
I hate your cigarette stained fingertips
and the way smoke clouds around you  
on the days you forget to shower  
I hate your fear  
and your sadness  
and how you canít function without art  
I hate your pity  
I hate your envy  
I hate your loneliness
and your penchant for being alone  
I hate those days you canít pick yourself up  
and I hate the days when you can  
only collapse back into the darkness  
you were running from  
I hate your lies  
I hate your truths  
I hate that grey space in between  
I hate how you love  
with only half your heart  
because itís easier to be numb  
than vulnerable  
And some days
I hate how I donít  
really hate you at all  
© Indie Adams 2015
Written by Indie (Miss Indie)
Published | Edited 10th Nov 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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