The First Time
Or what I thought was my first time. 16 years old, in love with a 21 year old bass player who loved my tits and the little virgin he got to explore. Even though I obsessed over him, I would always stop his hand from moving from my chest to my special spot. A spot NO ONE was allowed to touch.
This was getting old for him, he said as much, and I wanted to please him.
One night after a gig, we ended up at his parents. Why a 21 year old was living at his parents still, oh yeah, he was a musician.
I drank a lot that night. I was wearing the lacy panties and matching bra my mother gave me on my 16th. You see my mother encouraged my sexual exploration. Inside I hated it. But this gift was coming in handy.
Living room floor, open plan house. I could see his parents bedroom door as I lay on my back. He kissed my breasts, sucked on my nipples and traveled down my belly. He pushed my panties aside and that was the first time I felt a tongue there. I was so scared and excited. The soft wetness of it and then the sucking of my clit! Oh.My.God.
My perching under a running tap to make myself cum had nothing on his mouth..it didn't take long.
He tried to put a finger in, 'Damn you are lock tight'.
Of course..I'm a virgin-I thought.
It hurt. But I didn't say anything. The memory of the wee orgasm fading fast.
He was doing something like panting, he became urgent and got on top of me. He didn't even look at me. Then I felt it, the head of his cock trying hard to push into me.
The pain was incredible.
"Stop! Stop!" I scrambled up, mind whirling from drink and disappointment. This was supposed to feel good, this was HIM. I loved him, lusted him, obsessed over him daily...wtf?
We broke up shortly after. The experience of that night played a part, but there were other reasons. Like him sleeping with my best friend.
Skip ahead 2 years later. I've not tried sex again. There was no one I really wanted that much. Boyfriends tried and failed, tried and failed.
At 18 I went in for my first pap-smear. We all have to do it.
I dreaded this.
Questions were asked, 'Have you engaged in sexual activity?'
"Yes, I think so."
As I lay there my doctor looked over my knees and said
"There's no way you could of engaged in sexual activity."
He looked to my mother and said "I think we have a small problem here."
Everything in me sank.
My mother incredulous said "What do you mean what's wrong with my daughter?"
"Her hymen is like a wall, nothing is getting past that. I can not insert the Speculum for this examination. We may need to cut it out or intercourse will be extremely painful for her. She'll have to come back for the Pap-smear after she's healed."
(The best I can remember as verbatim)
Ever have a needle put in a place where it really really should never be? While still frozen down there he showed it to me and my mother.
There was a piece of me, there on a tissue. A thing meant to cause me extreme pain. Still, a piece of me. I was a little sad.
Needless to say, virginity lost shortly after.