Picnic on the Moon

we’d lie on the grass together
bellies full of hot dogs
licking Dorito crumbs off our fingers

I could feel your body twitching
aching to fly upwards
to the stars

I kept a gentle hand on your arm
afraid God would change his mind
decide to take you
instead of permitting you to define me

for when a woman becomes a mother
that is all she will ever be

but unlike you
your tender face always upturned
awed by the infinite
I was afraid of that vastness

it reminded me
of a painting of an ocean
I’d seen in church as a child
impossible gray-black depths
abyss of vengeful leviathans
thrashing and tearing
my sinful sinew and bone

so I held onto you
even when you towered above me
could break me in two
you suffered in silence
my hand at your arm

but the day finally came
when you stood up
gently forced yourself from my grip

rose to the sky
your arms outstretched
in the most beautiful offering

because God changed his mind
suddenly you fell
like a feather in the wind

nothing could have
been done, they said
you knew it was the last chance
to free yourself
from the strange, arbitrary bonds
of this strange, arbitrary existence

where we are born
taunted by dreams of flight
yet rooted to the ground
by piteous feet

now as I look upwards
lying on the ground
belly full of hot dogs
licking Dorito crumbs off my fingers
head resting on smooth stone

I watch you fly
as you’d always wanted to