deepundergroundpoetry.com
Lynx
Drifting before them, a lynx
Feet barely touching the floor
A dancer of complex grace
Veils floating in her wake
Radiant in the haze of opium
Flutes of absinthe raised in tribute
She dips, pirouettes, bends impossibly
Raven hair flickering in gaslight
The veils part to reveal
Dusky skin oiled and gleaming
That face a wicked celebration
Amber eyes ablaze
Lips parted to reveal sharpened teeth
Filed to perfection
They will be applied to her acolytes
Drawing blood from these cultivated men
Who return night after night
Ad infinitum and beyond.
Feet barely touching the floor
A dancer of complex grace
Veils floating in her wake
Radiant in the haze of opium
Flutes of absinthe raised in tribute
She dips, pirouettes, bends impossibly
Raven hair flickering in gaslight
The veils part to reveal
Dusky skin oiled and gleaming
That face a wicked celebration
Amber eyes ablaze
Lips parted to reveal sharpened teeth
Filed to perfection
They will be applied to her acolytes
Drawing blood from these cultivated men
Who return night after night
Ad infinitum and beyond.
Published 23rd Feb 2015
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likes 6
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comments 13
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
23rd Feb 2015 5:35pm
i love the picture that you paint here, crow. she is beautiful.
now, i feel like we have enough of a relationship between us that i can say this: i find the repetition of 'her' and 'she' to be distracting from the overall piece. i feel like they can be left out in most places.
"she drifts before them, a lynx,
feet barely touching the floor"
"veils floating in her wake
radiant in the haze of opium"
etc.
now, i feel like we have enough of a relationship between us that i can say this: i find the repetition of 'her' and 'she' to be distracting from the overall piece. i feel like they can be left out in most places.
"she drifts before them, a lynx,
feet barely touching the floor"
"veils floating in her wake
radiant in the haze of opium"
etc.
23rd Feb 2015 5:45pm
Excellent point Minerva. The excess "shes" and "hers" were a nuisance. Corrections were made. Thank you!
Anonymous
23rd Feb 2015 6:27pm
stunning! :)
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Sep 2020 3:45am
23rd Feb 2015 5:58pm
<< post removed >>
23rd Feb 2015 6:05pm
Thanks, Schiitaryn. I was thinking of Victorian times, and era of decorum and repression. But propriety gives way to skilled seduction, however sinister.
23rd Feb 2015 6:26pm
23rd Feb 2015 6:32pm
"She took another step. The simple motion of her moving leg
was like a dance, the unexaggerated shifting of her
hip entrancing as a fire. The arch
of her bare foot said more of sex
than anything I'd seen in my young life."
~ Patrick Rothfuss [TWMF]
^^^^
your piece reminded me of that passage... there's a callousness to that kind of flawless beauty & bold sensuality [sexuality]...
... a really wonderful write, crowfly, filled with exquisite imagery
~k
was like a dance, the unexaggerated shifting of her
hip entrancing as a fire. The arch
of her bare foot said more of sex
than anything I'd seen in my young life."
~ Patrick Rothfuss [TWMF]
^^^^
your piece reminded me of that passage... there's a callousness to that kind of flawless beauty & bold sensuality [sexuality]...
... a really wonderful write, crowfly, filled with exquisite imagery
~k
23rd Feb 2015 6:50pm
That's a fine observation, Katja. It's a predatory kind of beauty, a sexual seizure of power. Thank you!
25th Feb 2015 2:05am
25th Feb 2015 3:24am
And seductive beyond the point of no return. I doubt I could resist. Thanks, man.
27th Feb 2015 11:18am
27th Feb 2015 6:52pm
