deepundergroundpoetry.com

Denying What I Know Is There

I keep mistaking being busy with
needing to be occupied
so that I don't slip into
the darkness that will consume me

but let's not call it what it is

and I refuse to accept
my state of mind
even though nights are filled with
salty droplets
and heavy thoughts

what does this mean?

the smile on my face
means nothing to me
but it lights up people's world
so I achieve my goal of being useful

but I can't stand myself

so I tuck myself into a pocket of lies
where I don't use that word,
the awful word my mother uses,
ever so lightly

I refuse to be like her!

and I will manipulate my emotions;
call myself happy when
   deep down
I cannot breathe
   deep down
I do not smile

but let's still not call it what it is
because it's been made so mainstream
that I will not find myself caught in that mess

I would rather die
than be viewed as one of them
and I would rather die
         I would rather die
Written by trxppy_ja (NXGHTOWL)
Published
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