I lay my head down on the pillow just wishing for once I could disappear, be what everyone expects me to be. Just a shadow. Why not? Why not fade into the background? What Iím good at anyways. Some people tell me Iím smart, or sometimes even sweet and dedicated. That I always put others first. What ifÖ.what if just once I wanted to come first. Is that so selfish of me? To be able to sing my heart out, or read until my eyes fall shut. To do something for me, without having something said. To have a day all to myself without being called self centered, cold heart, or selfish. Thatís all that I ask. Though I know I wonít. I will put others first always, and slowly fade into the background where I belong. I hide behind my books and strive to be perfect only to wish I had someone just once say their proud of me and truly mean it. Not just say it because they think they have to. Go an entire day without the familiar taste of tears at the back of my throat. A day where I donít doubt everything I do. A day where I donít wish for my trusty blade. Though for today Iíll just lay my head down and become one with my shadow. To fade into my head where the days of being me happens always. Maybe being a shadow isnít as bad as it seems. Even though itís not much to lean on, at least I have myself.
Written by brokenyetstrong
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