Borderline

Another diagnosis, another consequence
For a crime which I didn’t commit
Punishment for actions I try so hard to forget
But even with my proclaimed innocence,
At twenty-three years old I remain imprisoned
I’ve been wrongly convicted
Do you think I asked to be trapped,
To be the victim of a monster’s dirty hands,
That I didn’t panic when I heard him lock me in,
When I heard the sound of the deadbolt click?
Why are you acting like I’m the monster?
I’m nervously explaining, “I swear,
I’m not heartless.”

Another gift the trauma’s given me
Another piece of myself he’s now stolen
I shouldn’t be defending myself against
Yet another social stigma,
As if the ones I hold now aren’t enough burden
“She lies, she’s unstable, her personality’s
Disordered.”

I’m stuttering, desperate to explain
But they can’t look past the misconception
Always hyper-focused on the drug addiction,
They don’t look at me, instead they stare at
The issues they’ve blamed on daddy,
The disordered eating or the PTSD
And now they blame my personality.

The outline of my body, covered in goose bumps
Still imprinted on that cold garage concrete,
Memories which continue to haunt me
The voices in the scale shouting insults
Whenever I eat and could break me just by
Displaying three numbers on its screen
And these chemically loaded syringes
I’ve allowed to completely control me
An addition which refuses to let me be
         [ Free ]
Crossed the border, on the line
“Just love me, love me.”