The family's embarrassment

I hear my mother crying in the shower,
tears are louder than the water that surrounds her,
Tears of pity,
for me, for her. for us.

My father has lost all trust in his son,
its been so long since he wanted me along,
no words spoken,
between me and him. for us.

At what point did i stray from the path they carefully laid?
The mistakes I made left a wake,
Disgraced faces force fake smiles,
All the while I wish I could close my file.. for their sake.

Not 'why me'?
No.
Why them?
I can't begin to comprehend,
How they still pretend I am a gem,
When I am the one who took so much from them,
So, what do I have to show for it?

The first time was the worst,
But by now their parts are well rehearsed.
I wish I could trade their hurt for a lonely hearse,
To rid the earth of our family's curse..

me.