Last Time

I should have known from the beginning
That well intentioned ideas
Always turn out bad

I always knew what I was missing
And so now there is no reason
That I should be sad

But I am
Because it hurts
To be proven right
Can be the worst
When it's not
What you really want
These damn thoughts
Can't be cropped

So this will be the last time
The last time that I try
I will contain this heart of mine
I see no need to cry
Some things you must accept
Others are just regrets
And this will be the last time
The last time that I find out
How it feels to be unacknowledged
To be not even thought about
Because those moments from the past
Left me torn up and smashed
And this just reminds me that
As moments add
Time lasts

I crave to leave the contents of my heart all over
But I'll just keep it in glass display cases
It's safer this way I know it
I'll switch the format, new arrangement
On the receiving end of no recognition
How it feels I can't even say
Silence tends to send quite the message
And I'm left where I am today
Alone
And not okay

Stunned by actions
Words just leave me blank
No declaration of appreciation
Not even a simple 'thanks'
And I don't know why I crave it
But for some reason I do
Just want to know that my expressions
Actually mean something to you

What is text
But written letters
Beautiful words
That come together
Fuck impulsion
What does it mean?
Plain and simple format
Not elegant enough it seems
Because it never catches your eye
In the day or in the night
All I do is wonder why
I even bother with that type
Will there ever be a point
Or is this a hopeless want
Should emotions stay behind the glass
Where they've always been better off
So you can see them when you care
When they could potentially matter
Not handed for you to touch and hold
Where they'll likely just end up shattered

And I should have known
Because of the last times
But I had to try
Just once more
To see how it felt
After all that's been done
To kill my hope
Like never before
And now that it's dying
I'll let it go
How long time lasts
Now I know
You can still have it all
In your preferred format unpacked
But next time I won't make the call
No more putting myself last
Because my desire for acknowledgment
Is stronger than that which compels me to convey
And I'd rather want something that will never be
Than try for something that has no chance in any realistic way