deepundergroundpoetry.com

I Don't Know What I Am Doing

I am in a such a thick fog
Dead in the head and heart
Don't know what I'm doing
With my life or with my love

Someday I will learn
What the hell I'm doing
Know my learning curve
I don't even know

I feel so dead inside
No one to hold in real life
Stuck in fantasy and role play
Crying myself to sleep at night

So if you have the answers
Tell me them, it would help a lot
So here I am wanting my wrists red
Dripping with blood and burning with pain

But I made a promise that makes me insane
Pain used to be my only release in life
Now all I have is poetry and love
Run far, far, far away from me,

I am a natural disaster at my best
I run in circles, I run away
Leaving the past to rot and decay
From boy to boy, to man to man I dance

I am the girl your Mamma warned you about
Pain in my eyes draw you in
But the no one can erase it from my eyes
Even when my smile is so wide

I love with all my heart
But my heart is broken apart
Trauma, disappointment, and betrayal
All made my heart what it is

Good bye my sanity, good bye my youth
Good bye my beauty and good bye my life
I fell in love with a beautiful idea
And that idea has ruined my entire life  
Written by BlueBeastGirl (Beasty)
Published | Edited 11th Feb 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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