deepundergroundpoetry.com
Four Walls
A closed door
four walls
do tell
can you keep a secret or two?
People and their scepticism
they see
begin to opinionate
mechanisms
whirling into life
thinking
that won't last
be it jeliousy
just plain misguided beliefs
Whatever it might be
time will make them see
that our commitment to each other
goes beyond four walls
and a closed door.
four walls
do tell
can you keep a secret or two?
People and their scepticism
they see
begin to opinionate
mechanisms
whirling into life
thinking
that won't last
be it jeliousy
just plain misguided beliefs
Whatever it might be
time will make them see
that our commitment to each other
goes beyond four walls
and a closed door.
Published 7th Feb 2015
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7th Feb 2015 10:06am
7th Feb 2015 2:30pm
7th Feb 2015 12:10pm
7th Feb 2015 2:31pm
7th Feb 2015 4:53pm
I loved "Four Walls," but I'm going to scrutinize for a moment. In line seven you say "opinionate." I don't believe there's any such word. The verb would be "opine." Then in line twelve you say "jeliousy." That's "jealousy." I'm picking nits from an otherwise strong poem. Love and commitment go beyond four walls or any other stricture or formality. Fine work, Rose.
7th Feb 2015 5:19pm
Mr Crow i love your comments
makes me scrutinise my writes
it's good to know someone's out there looking over my wording
as for opinionate if you Google it you'll see it there explained
as for jeliousy being jealously i do agree with you
But early hours write my phone can often fill in my spelling
dumb phone auto correct :)
Keep pointing my errors out though :)
makes me scrutinise my writes
it's good to know someone's out there looking over my wording
as for opinionate if you Google it you'll see it there explained
as for jeliousy being jealously i do agree with you
But early hours write my phone can often fill in my spelling
dumb phone auto correct :)
Keep pointing my errors out though :)
10th Feb 2015 6:53am
Interesting poem!
If my walls could talk,
I'd probably have to kill them.
Enjoyed reading this!
If my walls could talk,
I'd probably have to kill them.
Enjoyed reading this!
