fade away, blue heart

'The more I see of the world, the more I am convinced that I    
shall never see a man that I can really love. I require so much!'    
Jane Austen          
         
if you've got class, you don't think of your life as a scandalous        
Hollywood movie. you would author it as a classic book,        
a dark Romance written with your heart; the        
Wuthering Heights of your fortitude & loneliness.          
         
me, I'll settle for a broken piece of the rainbow. if          
my story is anything at all, it's a cheap paperback.          
that's me being stabbed in the back by the sexy doll          
on the pulp art cover. the story I keep repeating,          
you're probably sick of hearing it. but if I stop, the          
screen will dim, & I'll fade to black.          
         
like the women who came for a minute, for dinner & a show,    
for a brief but sordid affair, then vanished like rain water down    
the gutter. but there was one woman who was more than a rainy    
night; she was the perfect storm.    
         
lady with a past. cocktails & moonlight. cigarettes & regrets. when  
she had cried enough tears, she gathered them in a crystal goblet &  
she drank deeply. the agony & the heartache of it strengthened her  
with a tough veneer. she hustled the night like a falling star:  
incandescent & alone.  
   
but every hard woman wants a hard man when she needs to be  
grabbed, tossed around a little like a rag doll. bruised just enough  
to remind her that she's alive. she took it like a whore, then  
blindsided me so I never saw it comin'.  
   
she handled love like a loaded shotgun; she could take a man's  
head clean off. sex with her should have remained just that, but it  
led me to a garden where it could blossom into something more  
beautiful. my own trusting heart betrayed me, & she faded me like  
the ghost of neverwas.          
         
she killed me with love -          
         
write that on my fuckin tombstone...          
         
         
(couldn't resist the pic, even with the blatant misspelling.)