your essence on the wind

It rained silk the day we buried you
covering your gravestone in hues of gold
one ray of sun shining through the clouds
setting the grass around you on fire
and I knew then, that you weren’t really gone

We set a paper sailboat down the Draa river  
with notes we wanted you to read
on the other side

I don’t know what the boys wrote
but what else could I do but apologise
for the time I put a lizard
in your slippers and you slipped
as it bit your toes, trying to find a way out
and you fell down the stairs
covering the balustrade with blood

Your broken nose and 7 hours spent
in the hospital waiting room
unfair payment for my childish prank
it was truly the worst night of my short life
back then waiting at home with my brothers
half fearing I’d killed you
that you wouldn’t be coming home

I’d never told you before that it was me  

It rained silk the day we buried you
covering your gravestone in hues of gold
one ray of sun shining through the clouds
setting the grass around you on fire
and I knew then, that you weren’t really gone

One empty table setting
our world strangely incomplete
without out your smiles and laughter
to lighten the burden of our bad days
and light up the joys of our good ones
our Moroccan dinner table now a sombre
affair without you there  

The night you died we ate fried tofu
in the kitchen in silence
and drowned our sorrows in vodka
finding the mix unpalatable
as the basin felt our heaving wrath
and grief in the early hours of the morning

And I could feel you there
like the breeze
my soul a wind chime
waiting for you to come back
and teach me how to sing again
because this night I had forgotten
and our home had lain silent
for the first time in my life

It rained silk the day we buried you
one ray of sun shining through the clouds
to light up your new resting place
telling me you weren’t really gone

We set a paper sailboat down the river
it said “I love you, forgive me”
and in the scattering clouds
I knew you had
the rain mingling with the tears on my face
as I sang you my first goodbye

© Indie Adams 2015

Written for Madame Lavender's Pick a List II comp, List #4