the divining rod is broken and I'm afraid to sleep

I tried to manufacture dreams of you  
like I could divine a future where weíd both meet †
at the beach or a coffee shop †  
and laugh about how our demons †
hadnít caught up with us yet †  
But I guess perhaps †  
weíve both been lying †  
trying to find honesty between the lines †
we try and fail to live †
Iíve been wanting to tell you †  
Iím still a ghost †  
wandering around in human flesh †  
but never quite connecting †  
with the world around †  
But I guess itís easier to smile †  
and pretend my reality †  
isnít staring down the mouth of a black hole †  
because honesty comes with a price †  
and despite the likelihood Iíd pick a fight †  
a fight on any given drunken night †  
conflict has been bleeding me down †  
to my bones †  
and Iíve never been any good †
with the disappointment in your eyes †
Because you never fail to surprise me †  
between the honesty and lies †
that I can count like freckles on my skin †  
when the summer sun hasnít kissed me †  
various other shades of unreality †  
your world frozen over like a winter wonderland †
of unlit forest fires among the skeleton trees †
waiting for the thaw to come †  
And now I canít remember †  
the last time I dreamed your face †
the nights instead †
giving birth to screams †  
inside my mind †  
where all thoughts of you fade †  
to a place where perhaps †  
I never dreamt of you at all †  
And I donít know what scares me more †  
that I tried to dream you into reality †  
or that I don't dream of you anymore  
† †
© Indie Adams 2015
Written by Indie (Miss Indie)
Published | Edited 18th Jan 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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