Son

Here I am here I am lost in thoughts
not knowing were to go
my mind wondering over past events
to the present grief
wondering what the future might be.
I never in life have felt so much pain
as I have felt since your death
I have question many things
about how I have handle raising you.
Is it because of me that you were so lost
that you became caught up in this messy world.
Did I not love you enough
to protect you from worldly goods.
I thought I knew all the answer once
but it was so hard raising a son
I had to be a mother, a father and
sole provider and some where
you became so lost.
The more I tried to take hold of you
my son you fought me tooth and nail.
I thought if I stood strong
and let you learn that this world had
nothing good to offer you would comeback home.
Many years of tears and not knowing
if I could even save you
the call finally came and you were gone.
Your life ripped from you with one shot
you were dead before you hit the ground.
Alone in darkness no family around you died.
Now I am here a mother without a son
questioning if I had done something wrong
when all I had to give to you was love.
I remember something you once said to me
that people see what they want to see
that no one has truly seen you.
I see you my son and I understand
although my heart is broken
I lay you to rest knowing I did my best
for you were my greatest gift.