"Shopping"

      
        
 She quips, "These clothing store mirrors make me look fat"
 "Must have got the damn things from a funhouse out back"
 "It's a conspiracy, weight loss drugs, exercises to give you a heart attack"
 "That plus a major diet might help, gotta count calories and keep track"
        
 "Frickin' sizes aren't right, this is a six, but it's marked eight on the tag"
 "I need the manager here now, gonna tear some ass, not cuttin' 'em any slack"
 She gives the clerk five kinds of hell, talkin' some serious smack
          
 Then sums it up nicely as she huffs and spits, "Listen here, Jack"
 "I can't fit in this style anymore without people seein' my ass crack"
 "This is bullshit, shopping for clothes sucks big hairy crustified ball sacks"
    
      
 *September 13, 2014*
    
 **Much of this, including the last line, is a direct quote of what I heard.**