deepundergroundpoetry.com
poet of the common
should put down his pen & take up honest work
sweat the angry sweat of a bricklayer or a gravedigger
because a poem is not a shelter for the living
nor a worthy crypt for the venerable bones of the dead
it’s an old cigar box that you drop love into, along with
loose change & divebar matchbooks
there is no other place to put it –
and a love affair doesn’t cover much ground when you
walk it alone. like slow dancing with a dream –
nothing sweet & solid & warm in your arms
when you stop dreaming
writes his poems of common romance & common heartbreak
makes a wish that she will find them & discover his uncommon
passion – but maybe she never will
‘Feather of lead, bright smoke. cold fire…’ Shakespeare’s
Romeo knew that burden, whose heart was lost to Juliet
considers the crime of rape, seriously. then she would know
the insanity, the intensity of his desire for her. she would feel
the strength of his body against hers. even if he suffers for it,
it’s no worse than he’s suffering now
poetry is a poor substitute for a lover, & solitude
has walls thicker than a Tijuana prison
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 26
reading list entries 12
comments 22
reads 1902
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Sep 2020 3:45am
1st Jan 2015 1:45am
<< post removed >>
Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 2:45am
Re: poet of the common
Anonymous
1st Jan 2015 3:13am
this is very...intense. very intense and painful. much emotion in so few lines. thanks for sharing.
1
Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 4:42am
it’s an old cigar box that you drop love into,
sure is......
dig it john.......
sure is......
dig it john.......
1
Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 5:10am
one 'heartbreaked' or 'raped' as they call it, can't re-discover the 'uncommon' passion through verses, for her/s write is only trial for redemption, john.
1
Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 6:45am
Wonderful start, drew me in so effortlessly. You know I admire your work, so I have to address what bothers me:
Last four stanzas over-explain, and the word 'rape' is bandied about casually. You could cut them out and your poem would be richer for it. You don't need Shakespeare muscling in, either...
Last four stanzas over-explain, and the word 'rape' is bandied about casually. You could cut them out and your poem would be richer for it. You don't need Shakespeare muscling in, either...
1
re: Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 7:23am
I appreciate your sincerity. rape is an unforgivable crime & always will be. I'm presenting the (possible) perpetrator's side of it, who is a victim of rejection, which hardly justifies his thinking. not to condone the reasoning, but to push the limits of decorum. if it doesn't work, it's an experiment that failed.
we never get enough of Shakespeare these days...
we never get enough of Shakespeare these days...
Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 7:34am
Happy New Year John hopefully she will discover you heart written in this brilliant write with love Crim
1
Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 1:42pm
Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 3:48pm
Wonderful work, John ! The first four stanzas are brilliant. I hear what Atakti is saying about the end of the poem but I think it's more that you set the bar up real high with the beginning that what follows doesn't quite match the intensity though I think it still works as a whole .
1
Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 4:52pm
I agree that "poetry is a poor substitute for a lover," but ideally it's complimentary, guided by her inspiration if she does her job as a muse. The metaphors are strong, with solitude building walls thicker than a Tijuana prison. This has the common touch.
1
Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 4:54pm
Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 5:53pm
Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 11:44pm
John, I feel the same way only from a female perspective. This blew me away and i am still in awe as i write to you. My heart breaks for you Johnny!
with Love
Jackie xoxox
ps i am going to read it again...
listed, btw!
with Love
Jackie xoxox
ps i am going to read it again...
listed, btw!
1
Re: poet of the common
1st Jan 2015 11:48pm
A cigar box filled with loves memories,
the good stuff,
the stuff that means something.
Where else would it go! Smack down!
‘Feather of lead, bright smoke. cold fire…’ Shakespeare’s
Romeo knew that burden, whose heart was lost to Juliet
Indeed!
Zazzles
the good stuff,
the stuff that means something.
Where else would it go! Smack down!
‘Feather of lead, bright smoke. cold fire…’ Shakespeare’s
Romeo knew that burden, whose heart was lost to Juliet
Indeed!
Zazzles
1
Re: poet of the common
2nd Jan 2015 1:25am
An incredibly deep write...breathtaking, heartwrenching...and beautifully expressed, evoking so many emotions...amazing poem JohnFeddeler...
1
Re: poet of the common
2nd Jan 2015 9:52am
Re: poet of the common
Anonymous
2nd Jan 2015 10:20pm
this is like an exhibition piece for your talent..I really love it, enough to pay you the ultimate compliment and feel a little jealous..just a little..but really impressed.
this is great, man
:) peace
because a poem is not a shelter for the living
nor a worthy crypt for the venerable bones of the dead
it’s an old cigar box that you drop love into, along with
loose change & matchbooks from moody divebars
^^^^^^^^awesome
this is great, man
:) peace
because a poem is not a shelter for the living
nor a worthy crypt for the venerable bones of the dead
it’s an old cigar box that you drop love into, along with
loose change & matchbooks from moody divebars
^^^^^^^^awesome
2
Re: poet of the common
a very striking differentiation you define in your flair between the three often in misconception to be the same or to be the most intimate off-shoots-poetry, love n solitude. This is only v.less said, amidst the many thought n emotional interceptional planes you evoke in this work. Brilliant work, JF! Title speaks a volume.
1
Re: poet of the common
6th Jan 2015 6:43pm
Powerful down pour. The edge of your pen felt so jagged. It hurts in the quietest of hour. Always, a pleasure, though.
1
Re: poet of the common
19th Jan 2015 2:59pm
A rich sentiment expressing hardship in the poets corner, in prison they have introduced plays on Othello that prisoners can take part in, what an act, beautiful scripture thank you.
1
Re. poet of the common
22nd Jan 2019 4:51am