Fuck you, Depression

I've thought for years that I outgrew this
Now I wonder why I put myself through this
It seems like everyone around is so fucking clueless
about the effort it takes for me to stay alive

Some days the only reason my eyes even open
is because I didn't promise myself I could give up
I get in my head and bully myself
until the loathing deep inside is once more awoken.

“Get the fuck up
You're not fucking broken
Why do you get to sit here moping
on the floor like a bitch?”

I know it's probably not the best way of coping
but it's either this, cutting, drinking or smoking
the truth is that some days I thrive and do just fine
but right now I'm just so tired of hoping

Reaching and kneeling
groping and stealing
longing and reeling
for some support or good feeling

I give so much
all while dealing with this terrible sadness
but there is no one here now
it's like I'm on a blacklist

I just wish people would think of me sometimes
hit me up and say “hello” or “Where the hell did you go?”
I guess to reiterate, I know it's a passing phase,
but I feel more weak and shitty than these thrown-together rhymes

And I keep thinking as I'm sinking like a stone
that maybe if you remembered the late nights I spent helping,
waking up just to text you on the phone
there would be no reason for me to feel alone