deepundergroundpoetry.com
RIDING REFLECTIONS
The mirror communicates
with ugly images.
I am always filthy
even scrubbed to bone.
Three eyes of omega
remaining vigilant.
I am always guilty
lying under oath.
If you could define me
Goliath on his knees.
The ravens block the sunlight.
One restless soul for each.
If you try to love me
torn,twisted my machine
will bury you
the very truth
is the culprit,the disease.
with ugly images.
I am always filthy
even scrubbed to bone.
Three eyes of omega
remaining vigilant.
I am always guilty
lying under oath.
If you could define me
Goliath on his knees.
The ravens block the sunlight.
One restless soul for each.
If you try to love me
torn,twisted my machine
will bury you
the very truth
is the culprit,the disease.
Published 7th Dec 2014
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likes 3
reading list entries 2
comments 2
reads 660
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
7th Dec 2014 3:59pm
Powerful write!
On technical notes, I got a little lost with the presentation of the lines on the last sentence starting at:
If you try to love me
torn,twisted my machine
will bury you
the very truth
is the culprit,the disease
- just a minor point though, if you are thinking of any revisions to this piece, the ending makes perfect sense, but I had to stop and read it over a few times before getting the correct flow, etc. But the words are perfect and the location of the commas - so don't really change anything there!
On technical notes, I got a little lost with the presentation of the lines on the last sentence starting at:
If you try to love me
torn,twisted my machine
will bury you
the very truth
is the culprit,the disease
- just a minor point though, if you are thinking of any revisions to this piece, the ending makes perfect sense, but I had to stop and read it over a few times before getting the correct flow, etc. But the words are perfect and the location of the commas - so don't really change anything there!
7th Dec 2014 8:44pm
