deepundergroundpoetry.com
origami
ten tiny toes dangle low over the water next to me
beneath duelling band shells of cherry tree light
furrowed brow
under an ink black fringe
busy fingers
folding, practice
focus
where only giants, mermaids
eloquent animals and other
rather imperative imaginings
only four-year-old wisdom dictates
may frolick in his stillness
his sofu says tsuru
brings good luck and peace
and the patience of one thousand
will summon a wish from the wild, but
these diligent little hands
care nothing for peace
as they've never seen war
and they know no difference
between fortune and faith
and in so being
would rather fold a fish --
they've naturally mapped the creases
of unsupervised noontime expedition
beetle capture glee
learnt the angles of determination
and felt out the courage enough to swim
as the big sakana do against all ease
all muscle
leaping up a waterfall
he presents to me his finished fish
shuts his eyes
wishes on it anyway
drops it into the lazy flow of the stream
and I would bet my Japanese symbolism
that wish
was not sunk in vain
____________________________________________________________________________________
(alternate title: possibly presumptuous personality profiling of a preschooler)
oh, and..."tsuru" = "crane" [:
beneath duelling band shells of cherry tree light
furrowed brow
under an ink black fringe
busy fingers
folding, practice
focus
where only giants, mermaids
eloquent animals and other
rather imperative imaginings
only four-year-old wisdom dictates
may frolick in his stillness
his sofu says tsuru
brings good luck and peace
and the patience of one thousand
will summon a wish from the wild, but
these diligent little hands
care nothing for peace
as they've never seen war
and they know no difference
between fortune and faith
and in so being
would rather fold a fish --
they've naturally mapped the creases
of unsupervised noontime expedition
beetle capture glee
learnt the angles of determination
and felt out the courage enough to swim
as the big sakana do against all ease
all muscle
leaping up a waterfall
he presents to me his finished fish
shuts his eyes
wishes on it anyway
drops it into the lazy flow of the stream
and I would bet my Japanese symbolism
that wish
was not sunk in vain
____________________________________________________________________________________
(alternate title: possibly presumptuous personality profiling of a preschooler)
oh, and..."tsuru" = "crane" [:
Published 4th Dec 2014
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likes 12
reading list entries 3
comments 11
reads 926
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The author encourages honest critique.
5th Dec 2014 00:59am
the beginning of creativity. to make a dream become a fish, & watch it swim.
elegant poetry...
elegant poetry...
yeah, the things we identify with tell others a bit about us, don't they? [:
thanks for stopping by, JF. always happy to hear your thoughts. [:
thanks for stopping by, JF. always happy to hear your thoughts. [:
5th Dec 2014 7:18am
The innocence, the fearlessness, the mere creativity n determination...n more than all, unknown to the brutal world..n that hope for him in those final verses, i bet every reader is prompted to wish for his wish...btfl piece Jesta,read in the comp though:)
Love the nonstop flow n grace, as usual to ur pieces. Tq fr this share,xx
Love the nonstop flow n grace, as usual to ur pieces. Tq fr this share,xx
5th Dec 2014 8:08pm
so happy you get the innocence and the determination in his little world, you caught the essence of what i was going for. thank you for your thoughtful reading, uma. (figured most people already saw it in the comp, but i'm still waiting for johnrot to post his bridge poem for my reading list.) [:
much love xx
much love xx
5th Dec 2014 3:49pm
Origami is the stronger title ;)
yea, I'd place that bet too...lovely mystic slice of the child n their whims
yea, I'd place that bet too...lovely mystic slice of the child n their whims
5th Dec 2014 8:09pm
i haven't been doing too well keeping it light, so that was a refreshing challenge. sure you'd be in that comp if you didn't have *plenty* of other stuff to do. [:
always got love for your drop-bys, LB, thank you [:
always got love for your drop-bys, LB, thank you [:
26th Dec 2014 00:44am
Reading this poem immediately made me think of folding cranes with my little one that we were making for gifts last Christmas, so naturally, I felt a connection to the story and imagery.
I love the way you weaved in the japanese language and philosophy of origami and how creative you were with the challenge, both smart and subtle working in the elements. Making the reader think is a good thing.
Beautifully written, a stellar poem, definitely one of my favourite entries in the comp,
I love the way you weaved in the japanese language and philosophy of origami and how creative you were with the challenge, both smart and subtle working in the elements. Making the reader think is a good thing.
Beautifully written, a stellar poem, definitely one of my favourite entries in the comp,
5th Jan 2015 9:32pm
aw, Case, i love that it brought back sweet memories for you! origami wasn't my first thought, but it was the best i could come up with that was a little different. i'm chuffed you got the philosophy of it... i'd hoped it wouldn't be too obscure, and looks like it wasn't. thanks very much for stopping in and commenting [:
A lovely read, enjoyed. I was going to write an origami themed poem once myself...
why thank you. [:
you should still write one. the concept is lovely, really, and the whole subject has a lot to it, behind it... so was kind of difficult for me to rein the poem back; tried not overdo it. [:
you should still write one. the concept is lovely, really, and the whole subject has a lot to it, behind it... so was kind of difficult for me to rein the poem back; tried not overdo it. [:
9th Jun 2015 9:14pm
This is classicly you; intelligent, giving only enough detail to paint the scene so we each naturally complete it in the way that moves us most ... (like toes, busy fingers, and an ink black fringe to describe the child - magic). And just like a stream, the piece flows, pauses and swirls around something for a bit, then smoothly flows on again, love that about your work. :-)
