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deepundergroundpoetry.com
we were never gods
we were never Gods
hollow are thy chambers.
echoes of life and death
resonate in the static of each.
this lighthouse
this revolver
mine heart.
all awaiting their partner for validation
the watchman
a bullet
your love.
i sit on this eve in my tower
looking over the bay I've safely guided your vessel through
so that I might hold you again.
i stay anchored so that you might roam and explore as the Phoenicians did.
but now you've sent me a message with our sweet Mercury.
[remember when we found him
a baby fallen from his nest
we nursed him
loved him
taught him to scurry the telephone line between our house and my tower to send notes to one another]
You tell me ...
winds no longer billow
deadening the lateen
yet i must go
Mercury dashes back.
chain me in the gallows then
that i might grip your oars
hardened for a mere kiss
steel messenger in steel chamber
spin
temple
pull
click!
Mercury returns.
you've made me an overseer
yet my lashes shed only tears
forgive me not
steel messenger in steel chamber
spin
temple
pull
click!
Here sweet Mercury
a peanut
now take this to daddy.
no quarter will be given
nor asked for I have swallowed every drop of your humiliation
you have the seas Poseidon
guide them with your light
so I might slip in darkness
you spoke Venus' three most sacred words
languid gales i now see
steel messenger in steel chamber
spin
temple
pull
...
Written for DUP competition hosted by Alexander Case.
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/7494/30/
Writers have 48 hours to churn out a piece with parameters defined by the host
Group 2
Genre: Dark
Location: Lighthouse
Element: telephone line
hollow are thy chambers.
echoes of life and death
resonate in the static of each.
this lighthouse
this revolver
mine heart.
all awaiting their partner for validation
the watchman
a bullet
your love.
i sit on this eve in my tower
looking over the bay I've safely guided your vessel through
so that I might hold you again.
i stay anchored so that you might roam and explore as the Phoenicians did.
but now you've sent me a message with our sweet Mercury.
[remember when we found him
a baby fallen from his nest
we nursed him
loved him
taught him to scurry the telephone line between our house and my tower to send notes to one another]
You tell me ...
winds no longer billow
deadening the lateen
yet i must go
Mercury dashes back.
chain me in the gallows then
that i might grip your oars
hardened for a mere kiss
steel messenger in steel chamber
spin
temple
pull
click!
Mercury returns.
you've made me an overseer
yet my lashes shed only tears
forgive me not
steel messenger in steel chamber
spin
temple
pull
click!
Here sweet Mercury
a peanut
now take this to daddy.
no quarter will be given
nor asked for I have swallowed every drop of your humiliation
you have the seas Poseidon
guide them with your light
so I might slip in darkness
you spoke Venus' three most sacred words
languid gales i now see
steel messenger in steel chamber
spin
temple
pull
...
Written for DUP competition hosted by Alexander Case.
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/7494/30/
Writers have 48 hours to churn out a piece with parameters defined by the host
Group 2
Genre: Dark
Location: Lighthouse
Element: telephone line
Published 26th Nov 2014
| Edited 14th Feb 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 1
comments 5
reads 1113
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
26th Nov 2014 10:21pm
27th Nov 2014 5:52am
This poem is definitely a hidden gem. I'm scratching my head, wondering why this hasn't caught the attention of more of your readers. For me, this poem was the best that emerged from Round One Challenge 2 and an excellent example of your unique poetic style and skill as a storyteller.
The repetitive rhythm you create with the use of the three lines stanzas in the beginning and staccato single word lines towards the end is sheer brilliance. These clever writing techniques, provides so much power and generates so much tension throughout the poem, right to the very end. And the cliffhanger ending, is the type of ending I appreciate as a reader, as it's thought provoking and inviting for the reader to revisit a story or poem to rediscover and piece together the finer details of the writer's world.
Surrounding the overwhelming tension, you've weaved in more traditional old school style poetry, which adds another dimension and offers the balance and much needed space for this poem to come to life.
This is an outstanding poem, Lobo. I'm so stoked and honoured to see poems of this high calibre get written in a comp I'm running. Stellar work, brotha.
The repetitive rhythm you create with the use of the three lines stanzas in the beginning and staccato single word lines towards the end is sheer brilliance. These clever writing techniques, provides so much power and generates so much tension throughout the poem, right to the very end. And the cliffhanger ending, is the type of ending I appreciate as a reader, as it's thought provoking and inviting for the reader to revisit a story or poem to rediscover and piece together the finer details of the writer's world.
Surrounding the overwhelming tension, you've weaved in more traditional old school style poetry, which adds another dimension and offers the balance and much needed space for this poem to come to life.
This is an outstanding poem, Lobo. I'm so stoked and honoured to see poems of this high calibre get written in a comp I'm running. Stellar work, brotha.
Every now and then there's a competition that demands you step out of your norm and deliver a message in a style that's not you and on a subject that may seem taboo to some.
That's why I liked your competition - between the time frame and the unconventional subject parameters it jump started a whole new direction for my writing style, and my conviction on the types of stories I want to tell and how I want to tell them.
Who's to stay why folks respond to one poem and not another.
The fact that you took time to respond to this and your spot on assessment of it in terms of what I was trying to communicate between the two lovers and the story's ultimate end - makes those crazy ass 48 hours seem like cake.
All the best to you and yours in 2015. I'm sure we'll cross paths soon enough, first round is on me Brotha.
That's why I liked your competition - between the time frame and the unconventional subject parameters it jump started a whole new direction for my writing style, and my conviction on the types of stories I want to tell and how I want to tell them.
Who's to stay why folks respond to one poem and not another.
The fact that you took time to respond to this and your spot on assessment of it in terms of what I was trying to communicate between the two lovers and the story's ultimate end - makes those crazy ass 48 hours seem like cake.
All the best to you and yours in 2015. I'm sure we'll cross paths soon enough, first round is on me Brotha.
3rd Jan 2017 8:11am
I like all your allusions to the Greeks. It adds a layer of mystery that is seemingly ambiguous
