PHILOSOPHY 101

“SO WHO’S YOUR FAVOURITE PHILOSOPHER?”

“JESUS CHRIST.”

“WAS THAT AN EXCLAMATION OR AN EXCOMMUNICATION?”

“NEITHER REALLY, IT WAS JUST AN HONEST ANSWER TO A SIMPLE QUESTION.”

“ALL RIGHT THEN.”

“WHO’S YOURS?”

“OH I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE DESCARTES.”

“AH DESCARTES, WHAT WAS HE FAMOUS FOR?”

“COGITO ERGO SUM.”

“SAY WHAT?”

“I THINK THEREFORE I AM.”

“THAT’S A GOOD ONE. YES, I LIKE THAT. MAYBE I’LL MAKE HIM MY FAVOURITE TOO?”

“YOU CAN’T DO THAT, HE’S MINE. BESIDES, JESUS IS GOOD. NOW WHY DID YOU CHOOSE HIM?”

“GOOD QUESTION. WELL, I SUPPOSE I LIKE THE THINGS HE SAID.”

“WHAT THINGS?”

“YOU KNOW, ABOUT LOVING YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOURSELF.”

“YES, AND?”

“YOU KNOW, AND TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK.”

“OH YES.”

“AND SINNERS, THROWING STONES.”

“YOU MAKE A GOOD POINT.”

“ABOUT?”

“ABOUT HIM BEING A GOOD PHILOSOPHER.”

“YES, I THINK I’LL KEEP HIM AS MY FAVOURITE.”

“WAS IT HIM THAT TALKED ABOUT THE CAMEL AND THE NEEDLE TOO?”

“I THINK IT WAS.”

“SMART CHAP THAT JESUS. COME TO THINK OF IT, I MIGHT LIKE HIM MORE THAN DESCARTES. CAN WE SHARE HIM?”

“OH I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT. I THOUGHT OF HIM FIRST.”

“FAIR ENOUGH THEN. WHOSE BUY IS IT?”

“IT MUST BE YOURS.”

“DIDN’T I BUY THE LAST ROUND?”

“BEATS ME, I’VE LOST TRACK.”

“AND ME.”

“TOSS YOU FOR IT.”

“RIGHT THEN … HEADS OR TAILS?”

“I’LL GO HEADS.”

“TAILS IT IS.”

“…ANOTHER BEER?”

“NO, I MIGHT GO A WINE THIS TIME.”

“…IN HONOUR OF JESUS?”

“HOW’D YOU KNOW?”

“I HAD THE SAME THOUGHT.”

“WE SHOULD HAVE FISH AND CHIPS TOO.”

“YES, BUT THEY DON’T GO TOO WELL WITH WINE.”

“THAT’S TRUE.”

“THEY’RE NICE WITH BEER.”

“YES.”

“TWO BEERS THANKS.”

“I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK, GREAT MINDS AND ALL THAT.”

“I WONDER IF JESUS REALLY DRANK BEER.”

“WELL, IT WOULD MAKE SENSE.”

“AGREED, HE WAS A MAN OF THE PEOPLE.”

“PILATE PROBABLY DRANK WINE.”

“…WITH CHEESE AND CRACKERS.”

“…NO DOUBT.”

“HE WAS A PRICK.”

“NOT YOUR FAVOURITE PHILOSOPHER?”

“CERTAINLY NOT...”

“NOT MINE EITHER.”

“YOU’RE A FINE FELLOW MY FRIEND.”

“NOT SO BAD YOURSELF.”

“NOW WHOSE BUY IS IT?”

“MINE WASN’T IT?”

“NO, I THINK IT WAS MINE.”

“TOSS YOU FOR IT.”