The Open Door

Without warning
A door in my head opened
A solid wooden green door
Brass coffin like handles
It opened slowly
There was an audible creak
Followed by the silence
Of white noise.
I am not sure whether the noise
Disappeared or I just
Stopped hearing it

The silence was broken
A child sobbing, crying
Became a child screaming
For dear life
I could hear the build up
Of strong winds and thunder
Then a cavalcade of dark figures
Entered at speed
Through the blackness
Of the open door

Too many to count
Too quick to easily identify
But I knew
They were to be feared.
Men in dark suits
Men with white collars
A screeching banshee
A man with a strap
Mingled uneasily
With punches, kicks and slaps

Everything suddenly stopped
They all stared
They all grinned ear to ear
I felt their evil intent
But felt powerless
And while my mouth
Was uncontrollably forced
To clearly utter
“NO!” – In slow motion
I sucked them all inside
Choking them down.

I closed my eyes
And tried to close my mind
I gritted my teeth
Trying to push everything out
Everything fell silent
As I fell down, exhausted
An uneasy calmness ensued
The door closed
Slowly and quietly
I breathed a sigh of relief
And assumed it
Whatever it was
Was in fact over
I returned to normal
Without realising I would
Never be normal again

The door opens at will
Not my will of course
I have a demon inside
The keeper of the door
The keeper of thoughts
A rapist of the mind
Who forces you to confront
The tortures of childhood
The men in black suits
The men of the clergy
The big man and the banshee
The door demon will
Take you back in your head
Making you re-live
Every dirty deed
Every piece of torture
All madness and rage
You can experience and feel
It all – as if you were there
All this from flashbacks
And night terrors
Your invasion is complete
Your fear is torturous
Your rage is palpable
It becomes impossible
For you to be you
Anymore.

Pain is the catalyst
The more physical pain you have
The more terror you must face
The arrival of the demon
Is completely random
He happily arrives without
Warning or identifiable trigger
The drugs don’t work
The therapy doesn’t work
Alcohol doesn’t work
It appears to me
That the only thing to do
Is accept it
Live it
Fear it
And not let it
Grind you into the mud
Saving you from thoughts
Morbid and suicidal