All It Will Ever Be

Maybe I am by myself
But then again
I would not want to be there ether
I am the kind of person I myself would hate

Always alone
Always trying not to feel
Always failing to keep my distance
Never wanting to wake up again

I would burn to carve a wish into my skin
I alone have become addicted to
The numb
The blood
The scars
The high
The tears
The skill
and over all
The addiction itself

But even I am aware that this blade of choice will not last me forever
All metal will eventually break down
I am aware that this blade is not my only friend
I am aware it cannot love me like a human

But I alone am not in search of any of those things
Not in friends
Not in love
Not in acceptance
Not in even the slightest once of free passion

An addiction is only an addiction
That is all it will ever be...