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Eros Can Be A Killer

There she stood, not a moment too soon, peering into the depths of the eyes of her attacker. He wasn't just her attacker, he was the man that once make a promise to love, honor and cherish her.

Over the years, she learnt that she was sleeping with the enemy. She never thought that he'd use her as the conduit to containing his own lack of self will.

Even though their wedding band bound them together, he developed a passion for monitoring her every movement, until she began tracking him, tracking her.

He'd listen in on her dialogues, from the other end of the house, and he became obsessed with her work colleagues, as she worked predominantly in a role which was dominated by males. The small unit of 10 employees consisted of 8 men, and just 2 other women.

She was always open & transparent with him, and invited him to her work functions, and he'd decline. Yet, he'd show up out of the blue randomly, and watch her like a hawk.

A few times, she noticed him watching her, from a distance, until she acknowledged his presence with the warmth of her smile as she initiated for him to join the group for casual drinks.

You can't help but notice the little things, upon reflection. The little nuances that should've spoken to her, and informed her explicitly about the man that replaced her last name, with his.

His demeanor was always reserved, and observant. Though, he was temperamental when he couldn't get his own way, which usually consisted, of getting his own way, by taking her whichever way he wanted.

At first, she didn't mind his subtle interrogations after she took a slight deviation on her way home to drop off some fresh fruit and vegetables to his parents, as her parents were deceased and they became the proxy in which she bonded with, during the years in which she emerged into adulthood.

Though, it was always the way in which he'd greet her as she entered through the internal door, via the garage. So innocent yet sinister, in his thoughts.

Playfully, touching her long bouncy chestnut curls, and smelling her hair, before moving in for a kiss, making sure to taste her breathe.

She knew he was looking for evidence of another man, all over her. In hindsight, all the signs were present.

His senses were extremely sensitive, he could almost tell her what she consumed for lunch or afternoon tea as it lingered upon her palate as he tasted her breath, and  tongued her deeply, all in the guise of missing her.

It usually wasn't long before he made his way into her knickers, just to ascertain the current climate of her, from that perspective.

God help her had he made her wet in the 10 or so minutes he spent lightly touching her, whilst whispering how much he missed her, in between those deep and hungry kisses as she found herself swinging like a pendulum whilst he stood there asking why she was wet with a blank accusatory look upon his face.

It was his guilt shining through from fucking the random as she bled once a month. Once a month, he started taking 3 - 4 day business trips, interstate, which corresponded with her cycle. She knew, because the woman called their home number from his cell, late one evening.

Which further prompted her to analyse their bank accounts and phone records to establish his location. Sadly, she stumbled upon his extra marital affair whilst analysing their monthly expenditure.

She learnt to work around his subtle but evident insecurities, as she understood his fears, and she loved him to no end. Enough, to turn a blind eye in the hope that he'd change his ways.

Often, the thought crossed her mind, that there was something else underlying, in regards to his overly hubristic nature.

Though, she tried not to analyse his mind as he wasn't a subject to probe from that perspective. She learnt to leave work on the doorstep as soon as she stepped into her role as his wife.

Over the years, she became familiar with the way in which he'd handle her, not thinking that each time he pushed her a little further, he was intently watching her reaction, whilst deriving whatever it was that was unfolding in his mind.

Most of the time, she allowed him to manifest himself in the depths of her, as he had different needs than most men you meet, upon first glance.

She used to run every morning, just before the crack of dawn, until she was violently assaulted on a drizzly wet morning.

The sun hadn't yet peeked that morning, and it wouldn't for at least a few quarts of the AM. He came from behind, and she had her ear buds firmly lodged in her ears, listening to her husbands playlist in which he made for her whilst he was away on business.

All she could remember, was waking up in hospital, after being left unconscious with minor abrasions consistent with being assaulted. The Dr's advised her that she was extremely lucky, as many other victims were not so lucky. She had a bump on her head, which was consistent with falling, and connecting with the kerb.

The attacker left her fully clothed, and there were no traces of semen within her, other than her husbands, which was consistent with the way in which he left her, before he left to catch a flight during the early hours of that morning.

There were no children birthed at that stage, and she chose not to tell him about the incident as she had very little recollection of what happened, other than the bump on her head, and the sensation of being thoroughly manhandled.

Which, wasn't all that different in the way he'd use her to satisfy himself, sometimes. After all, they'd spend their whole entire weekend in their beach shack, barely sleeping and fucking, in between surfing, and cooking together.

It's what happens when you marry a man that despises your social network, and removes you from those connections, to ensure your time and devotion is unconditional, and channelled towards him, solely.

For all his minor faults, he always adored her and made her feel like a princess, when he wasn't treating her like a whore. In some respect, she was just as twisted as he was, otherwise, she wouldn't have married him in the first instance.

Though, what she came to learn that morning, shocked her to the core, and it changed the way in which she interacted with him.

Not only was it a breach of her perimeters, physically, she lost their fetus child that was barely 10 weeks along in it's 1st trimester. It was hard to cope, but she managed to grieve, alone, and move forward with life.

Though, she always suspected that it was him. A sick fantasy gone wrong, the first of many that reiterated that that was the case, and his psyche was unstable.

Sharing her life with a man that was a highly orchestrated deviant without any decency for what he had at the time, was his only weakness.

There's a fine line between love and hate, and in an ideal world, we wouldn't have to hate those which we love, thinking that we could contribute positively to them, by loving them more. You never quite know what lies beneath the depths of others, even if/ when you live with a person.

It's a woman's greatest downfall, thinking we can change a man, yet we keep on falling for those who are incapable of allowing love to penetrate their heart & soul to soften the blows that life may have delivered during the more formative years.

It's human nature to gravitate towards those who sustain us, until there's nothing left to give, it's the sacrifice of love but when it's depleted, there's nothing more left to say or do.

Other than to heal the pain, and cherish the moments that were good, sprinkled amongst all the bad.

Love, can often be a killer in disguise.
Written by shadow_starzzz
Published
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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