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The Crumbling Wonderwall

He came to me on a sunny afternoon as we shared macchiatos and afternoon tea whilst shooting the breeze, in between drafting our business plans.

We'd often take red eyes together to ensure we could spend the day planning our workloads, aside our daily phone dialogues, video conferences and endless threads of emails.

He was also well dressed and possessed a scent that lingered all over my clothing long after we departed, as we'd often greet each other with a hug, and depart via executing the same gesture. His scent didn't match his persona, however, that was one of his tactics.

We were part of a virtual team scattered across various locales, sharing the workload and managing several small teams in different offices.

He wasn't necessarily a friend, but more like a key stakeholder that was seeking to maximise the key performance indicators within the branch we were tasked to work together within, which was determined via the hierarchy structure in which we were bound by.

Initially, he was just someone that I met in a meeting through work, way back whenever. I never expected us to align ourselves, professionally or for our friendship to emerge the way it did.

I knew he wanted something from me when our state manager brought us together to manage a highly contentious project which required a sound understanding of the legal framework in which we were bound by.

I couldn't quite place my finger upon his pulse to ascertain just what it was that compelled him to engage with me outside the usual 9 to 5 as he'd call me at ridiculous hours, whilst trying to meet his deadlines.

Initially, I looked at him with innocence in my eyes, yet he was subtly grievous by nature as I failed to calculate his nuances, opting to turn a blind eye to his manipulative methodologies which were forthcoming about how he'd treat others, below his rank.

Over the years, I observed him in action, and he was brutal, when it suited him. Professionally, he was a straight shooter. Personally, he was a fucking ticking time bomb just waiting to be detonated.

If you were none the wiser, you'd think he was an elite member of those suffering from the dorian grey spell as the extremity of his mannerisms were alarming to anyone who was observant enough to unpeel the layers of his rather abstract psyche. He was often present, but he was miles away.

Luckily for him, no one ever got close enough to him to ascertain the way he ticked. I sensed he gravitated towards me as he could sense I wouldn't divulge his morally corrupt ways.

He made me nervous as I was well aware of his nuances, however, he insisted we spend time working on our projects, outside of the workplace. Often, via long drawn out phone calls late into the evening.

His bonds external to the workplace made me cringe as I wasn't born into the elite, and he was adorned with a silver spoon in his mouth.

Somewhat, a spoilt brat but he suffered in other ways, sadly. Hence, why he was so driven as he got off on his achievements. It was like throwing mud into his fathers face, whilst chanting "look at me, I'm a better man than what you'll ever be."

Nonetheless, I gave him my loyalty, friendship and alliance in the workplace to enable me to be successful also, given that each of our roles overlap.

There's a certain technique to unearthing whether or not the one that sits across from you at a table is capable of telling the truth.

I'd used the same technique whilst undertaking my role in the workplace, having assessed people of his calibre for a living in the past. The only difference was, he was a white collar director that wore a mask of subtle deception.

Clearly, he was a liar of the highest calibre in my eyes and I couldn't wait to extract myself from his presence as he'd convince me to take short cuts, without following procedure.

Though, he was sweet, and said all the right things, I knew he resembled everything I despised in a man but if I wanted to excel professionally, I had to toe the line.

If he wanted to take shortcuts, I had to further analyse those strategies, and weigh up the legalities associated with taking a different course of action, around the specificity of procedure.

I knew I had to jump ship eventually as he was a risk to my name, and the years I spent working my way to the same level.

I'm the kind of woman that learns from my past mistakes, instead of asserting myself and thinking that I can possibly change a man, and their ways. Whether professionally, or personally. He was too far gone for me to risk myself.

Once we reach a certain age, we become set in our ways. He was set in his ways. Mid 40's, nil children, and a massive ego that was built upon the ashes of others he burnt to climb the ladder, with a combination of formal qualifications and experience.

I must admit, he had balls but he wasn't the brightest fucking lantern on the street when it came to implementing the necessary frameworks to enable the tracking and monitoring of our projects which involved a wide range of stakeholders.

I suppose, this is where I complimented him, professionally. His success, was also my success. Neither of us were above one another, and we shared the same national manager.

Whether he was a compulsive or pathological liar, it makes no difference to me as they're both the same. He'd borderline between each of them at times, which further reiterated my brief synopsis of him. I suppose, he and the other boys thought that that was living on edge as there were a cohort of rogues in the unit.

I didn't wanna label them workplace sociopaths, however, I didn't wanna be an outcast as they each embraced me. Not for my tits and arse but for my intelligence and what I bought to the table, professionally. Plus, I was almost 10 years their junior and wasn't in a position to challenge such a cohort. Though, it was interesting to observe, and connect the dots as time unravelled.

I knew not to enter into his advances as he was a legal calamity just waiting to unfold, should things not go in his favor. I heard first hand about the way he fucked over his ex wife, out of spite.

Nevermind, she was an executive with the same earning capacity as he. Luckily, they had no children to squabble over during their expedited dissolution. I felt sorry for them as they were in deep, debt.


He spoke of her as if she was an evil witch, which underpinned the way he felt about most women. I felt sorry for him as I witness his rise and fall, both personally & professionally. He was atrociously despicable to most women that he chased as he executed his strategy to conquer those whom he felt were weak and innocent.


He taught me a lot over the months we penned one another into our diaries, to debrief and plan our workloads for the following week. But, as time emerged, I witnessed the various hues that streaked his psyche.

He was deeply troubled, and so too, was I. However, my life is meticulously compartmentalised, and I never divulge my personal life to those who exist within my profession.

Work and play just doesn't mix too well when you have people to manage as their personalities tend to get in the way of their capacity to undertake their duties.

We were never destined to cross that line, which most men & women do working with each other over lengthy periods of time. Though, we came close, it was always me pulling away at the last minute.

He became one of my greatest mentors, over the years. At times, I loathed his existence for how'd he behave towards other women but it was hard to sever the ties after spending several years working together.

He was my mate, and not just a work colleague. He was the man that told me about the affair my husband was having, and to whom I cried all over. Even now, I wonder about his intent, whether it was in my best interest, or whether he knew the route I'd take, upon learning about such infidelities.  

He helped me through my divorce, long before he went through the motions of experiencing the very same thing, with his respective partner.

In the end, he reminded me a lot of my husband, and I felt sorry for his wife because she couldn't connect with him.

You kind of feel like you're being intruded upon when your work colleagues wife calls you, in tears, because he's being a childish inconsiderate prick.

It's funny how a man you loath, can become your wonderwall when you're in the midst of a breakdown. In the end, I transferred out of the division, and found myself in a better position with his full support.

Years later, we still keep in touch and it's purely platonic. Though, he'll always be known to me as the crumbling wonderwall.

Who says men & women can't work together, without fucking one another.
Written by shadow_starzzz
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