deepundergroundpoetry.com
I Am You
I hurt when you pain.
If you're mad, I'm insane.
I cry when you weep,
I'm your guardian when you sleep.
In the night, I am your light.
I'm the wind, you are my kite.
In the sun, I am your shadow.
Your my bow, and I your arrow.
In the mirror I'm your reflection.
I'm your magnet without rejection.
You're the fire, I'm the flame.
You're my synonym, all the same.
When you smile, I am your laughter.
You're the book, I am your chapter.
Nothing for you I wouldn't do.
Indeed my dearest, I am you.
If you're mad, I'm insane.
I cry when you weep,
I'm your guardian when you sleep.
In the night, I am your light.
I'm the wind, you are my kite.
In the sun, I am your shadow.
Your my bow, and I your arrow.
In the mirror I'm your reflection.
I'm your magnet without rejection.
You're the fire, I'm the flame.
You're my synonym, all the same.
When you smile, I am your laughter.
You're the book, I am your chapter.
Nothing for you I wouldn't do.
Indeed my dearest, I am you.
Published 17th Nov 2014
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The author encourages honest critique.
17th Nov 2014 10:21am
I like the idea and it's good to see someone not afraid to use rhyme, but are the examples truly synonymous? Verse two in particular seems a collection of antonyms rather than synonyms, although, to be fair, you do not actually identify the sun with the beloved. However, at the best, they are relationships not identities. I find it detracts a little from the message that you are driving home. Just a thought.
Thank you for your honest critique. Truly appreciated, but my writing reflects personal experiences and is written based on inspirations from my experience with my loved one. For example, this poem's title is something my love and I have talked many times about. When two love each other deeply, they become one. And yes, you are correct in questioning this poem's consistency; but the idea wasn't to be consistent as much as it was to show my love to him in words, the best way I know how. Thank you again Harpalycus and keep the critiques coming :)
17th Nov 2014 1:58pm
17th Nov 2014 4:17pm
17th Nov 2014 10:13pm
18th Nov 2014 7:17am
18th Nov 2014 5:46am
18th Nov 2014 7:18am
