deepundergroundpoetry.com
Adam
He was a junior.
I was a freshman.
He was a bass.
I was an alto, sometimes a soprano.
He was a football player.
And on the debate team.
And he played Conrad in the musical.
I was a wallflower.
I blended into the background.
And wrote poems and stories in the back of the room.
He had two girlfriends that year.
Jessica & Sabrina.
One was younger than him by a year.
The other was his age.
He had a black hair.
And hazel, brown eyes.
And he was so tall, six foot something.
But I was never completely sure.
He had a solo that year in chorus.
And he was friends with almost everyone.
Everyone except me.
His name was Adam.
And he was my first crush during high school.
And he never once noticed me.
I dedicated songs to him.
I wrote letters telling him how I felt.
I blushed when he looked at me.
And one time he held the door open,
While I was walking down the stairs.
He held it open and waited for me.
"Almost lost you Anne."
He knew my name.
I laughed and smiled.
And then listened to "Hey Stephen" by Taylor Swift.
Over and over again in my room, when I got home.
I replaced the name "Stephen" with "Adam".
And I sang it to myself at night.
In my room, by myself.
Writing my poems and stories.
Thinking of him.
Adam. . .
A year later he didn't even know my name.
He never said "Hello" to me again.
I became invisible.
A passing trend.
But still, when I hear that song. . .
And I remember going to the musical just to watch him perform.
And holding my breathe and swooning when he sang his solo at the winter concert that year.
And then there was the time that I saw his picture in the paper, the debate team had won the night before.
So I told him:
"Hey Adam! You're in the paper!"
And he took it from my hand.
Read it and then handed it back to me.
"Thanks Anne."
And still I listened to that song again.
Blushing, smiling and swooning at the thought of him.
But he probably didn't even knew I existed.
I blended into the background so well.
I disappeared--
I might as well not have been there at all.
Then there was the day after the concert.
And our teacher wasn't in class, so it was a free day.
We had a sub and he told us to write our names and I.D. numbers on the blank sheet.
So I wrote my name, as neatly as I could.
Only for him, Adam to lean over with several other girls.
He was always friends with all the girls.
And the guys.
Everyone but me.
My gutiar knows the teardrops that I cried.
Over a guy that will never see me.
Only everyone else.
I'm invisible.
"Write my name for me Anne--"
"Uh sure. . ."
"It's A-D-A-M. . ."
A girl next to him hits his arm, "She knows how to spell Adam. . ."
They laugh, so do I.
You have no idea, I wanted to say.
But I didn't, I kept quiet and wrote down his name.
In my shakey handwriting and then handed the clipboard and pen to someone else, so that they may write their name.
I quickly learned later that he flirted with all the girls.
While ignoring the girl he was dating at the time.
And when he was ready to break up with a girl, he'd tell her to shut up and leave him alone.
And it makes me realize that maybe being ignored was better than being a victim to his charm.
Even if there were poems and songs, even letters and notes I wrote to him.
Even if I blushed when he said my name.
He never once noticed me after that first year.
The next year I came back and he didn't hold open the door.
Or ask me to write down his name.
I never congratulated him on the debate team's next win.
And he never knew my feelings.
That I poured into a letter.
Shoved into his textbook when he wasn't looking.
"Give my heart ease. . ."
I wrote the words as the chorus sang the song.
I hid in the background, confessed my feelings in a note.
Wrote a lyric from the song we would sing.
But I never signed my name.
I couldn't--
I was too embarrassed.
Too scared--
Too shy--
And a part of me, deep, deep down inside.
Didn't want him to know it was me.
Because I couldn't take being denied.
Or him turning mean or cold on me.
So let him stay inside my memory.
The guy with the black hair and the hazel eyes.
A bass, a junior.
And I an alto, a soprano, a freshman girl.
"Almost lost you Anne."
He'll always say that when I remember he hold open that door.
We were heading to chorus practice together, walking side by side.
Why was I cursed with shyness?
Maybe we could've talked?
But what would've I even said to him.
Someone who can break-up with a girl.
And next week have a new girlfriend.
Seven days flat.
Friends with everyone.
Throws a football.
And gets the lead in the musical.
How can I even compete?
The next year he had a new girlfriend.
Her name was Amber and she was so pretty and nice.
Even going as far as to compliment my singing once.
Then she friended me on Facebook.
"Nice job in chorus Anne."
And I smiled and said "Thanks".
Because what else was I suppose to say?
She wore hoodies and sweatpants.
And after graduation, she joined the service.
She wore her hair in a ponytail.
And was shorter than me.
Pretty blue eyes and an innocent smile.
And I watched her walk away.
And I saw them together a few times.
And I knew they both worked at the Dairy Queen together.
Laughing, talking, smiling and one time they were there when I was ordering food.
And I got out of there as quick as I could.
Because I never wanted to look at him again.
Remember the stupid school girl crush I had on him.
And she was so nice, I didn't want to risk becoming her friend.
Because if we had, if we did-- What would I say to her?
How could I be friends with her when I had been in love with her boyfriend?
So I walked away.
And left them be.
Let go of my crush.
And stopped listening to "Hey Stephen" by Taylor Swift.
But I never forget him.
Just like I never forget anything in my life.
It's in the back of my mind.
Just in case the song accidentally comes on.
And I feel like looking back.
On what one might call, a love whom just didn't (under any circumstances) love me back.
*Written for the "a love who didn't love back" competition.
I was a freshman.
He was a bass.
I was an alto, sometimes a soprano.
He was a football player.
And on the debate team.
And he played Conrad in the musical.
I was a wallflower.
I blended into the background.
And wrote poems and stories in the back of the room.
He had two girlfriends that year.
Jessica & Sabrina.
One was younger than him by a year.
The other was his age.
He had a black hair.
And hazel, brown eyes.
And he was so tall, six foot something.
But I was never completely sure.
He had a solo that year in chorus.
And he was friends with almost everyone.
Everyone except me.
His name was Adam.
And he was my first crush during high school.
And he never once noticed me.
I dedicated songs to him.
I wrote letters telling him how I felt.
I blushed when he looked at me.
And one time he held the door open,
While I was walking down the stairs.
He held it open and waited for me.
"Almost lost you Anne."
He knew my name.
I laughed and smiled.
And then listened to "Hey Stephen" by Taylor Swift.
Over and over again in my room, when I got home.
I replaced the name "Stephen" with "Adam".
And I sang it to myself at night.
In my room, by myself.
Writing my poems and stories.
Thinking of him.
Adam. . .
A year later he didn't even know my name.
He never said "Hello" to me again.
I became invisible.
A passing trend.
But still, when I hear that song. . .
And I remember going to the musical just to watch him perform.
And holding my breathe and swooning when he sang his solo at the winter concert that year.
And then there was the time that I saw his picture in the paper, the debate team had won the night before.
So I told him:
"Hey Adam! You're in the paper!"
And he took it from my hand.
Read it and then handed it back to me.
"Thanks Anne."
And still I listened to that song again.
Blushing, smiling and swooning at the thought of him.
But he probably didn't even knew I existed.
I blended into the background so well.
I disappeared--
I might as well not have been there at all.
Then there was the day after the concert.
And our teacher wasn't in class, so it was a free day.
We had a sub and he told us to write our names and I.D. numbers on the blank sheet.
So I wrote my name, as neatly as I could.
Only for him, Adam to lean over with several other girls.
He was always friends with all the girls.
And the guys.
Everyone but me.
My gutiar knows the teardrops that I cried.
Over a guy that will never see me.
Only everyone else.
I'm invisible.
"Write my name for me Anne--"
"Uh sure. . ."
"It's A-D-A-M. . ."
A girl next to him hits his arm, "She knows how to spell Adam. . ."
They laugh, so do I.
You have no idea, I wanted to say.
But I didn't, I kept quiet and wrote down his name.
In my shakey handwriting and then handed the clipboard and pen to someone else, so that they may write their name.
I quickly learned later that he flirted with all the girls.
While ignoring the girl he was dating at the time.
And when he was ready to break up with a girl, he'd tell her to shut up and leave him alone.
And it makes me realize that maybe being ignored was better than being a victim to his charm.
Even if there were poems and songs, even letters and notes I wrote to him.
Even if I blushed when he said my name.
He never once noticed me after that first year.
The next year I came back and he didn't hold open the door.
Or ask me to write down his name.
I never congratulated him on the debate team's next win.
And he never knew my feelings.
That I poured into a letter.
Shoved into his textbook when he wasn't looking.
"Give my heart ease. . ."
I wrote the words as the chorus sang the song.
I hid in the background, confessed my feelings in a note.
Wrote a lyric from the song we would sing.
But I never signed my name.
I couldn't--
I was too embarrassed.
Too scared--
Too shy--
And a part of me, deep, deep down inside.
Didn't want him to know it was me.
Because I couldn't take being denied.
Or him turning mean or cold on me.
So let him stay inside my memory.
The guy with the black hair and the hazel eyes.
A bass, a junior.
And I an alto, a soprano, a freshman girl.
"Almost lost you Anne."
He'll always say that when I remember he hold open that door.
We were heading to chorus practice together, walking side by side.
Why was I cursed with shyness?
Maybe we could've talked?
But what would've I even said to him.
Someone who can break-up with a girl.
And next week have a new girlfriend.
Seven days flat.
Friends with everyone.
Throws a football.
And gets the lead in the musical.
How can I even compete?
The next year he had a new girlfriend.
Her name was Amber and she was so pretty and nice.
Even going as far as to compliment my singing once.
Then she friended me on Facebook.
"Nice job in chorus Anne."
And I smiled and said "Thanks".
Because what else was I suppose to say?
She wore hoodies and sweatpants.
And after graduation, she joined the service.
She wore her hair in a ponytail.
And was shorter than me.
Pretty blue eyes and an innocent smile.
And I watched her walk away.
And I saw them together a few times.
And I knew they both worked at the Dairy Queen together.
Laughing, talking, smiling and one time they were there when I was ordering food.
And I got out of there as quick as I could.
Because I never wanted to look at him again.
Remember the stupid school girl crush I had on him.
And she was so nice, I didn't want to risk becoming her friend.
Because if we had, if we did-- What would I say to her?
How could I be friends with her when I had been in love with her boyfriend?
So I walked away.
And left them be.
Let go of my crush.
And stopped listening to "Hey Stephen" by Taylor Swift.
But I never forget him.
Just like I never forget anything in my life.
It's in the back of my mind.
Just in case the song accidentally comes on.
And I feel like looking back.
On what one might call, a love whom just didn't (under any circumstances) love me back.
*Written for the "a love who didn't love back" competition.
Published 15th Nov 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 775
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
15th Nov 2014 8:08pm
This must have been cathartic to write but let me tell you it is honest raw and real. Many many people will relate to what you are saying and have been through what you describe.
I transposed a girls name to "Indiana Wants Me " by R Dean Taylor. I made the schoolboy error of telling my mates and they mocked me years.
Still live and learn
I read this with care and thoroughly enjoyed it
Well done
I transposed a girls name to "Indiana Wants Me " by R Dean Taylor. I made the schoolboy error of telling my mates and they mocked me years.
Still live and learn
I read this with care and thoroughly enjoyed it
Well done
16th Nov 2014 9:34am
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was one of the strongest crushes that stood out in my mind and I just felt to write this like a diary or a journal, a tell-all of what happened from my point of view. Even if it was for a competition, all the emotions were real and were always in my head-- I just needed something to push me to write it down. Anyway, I'm happy that you enjoyed it and that you had a similar experience in a sense.
I'm also glad that I'm not the only one that replaces people's names in songs with the people we wish we could sing the song to.
- Paige Rider
I'm also glad that I'm not the only one that replaces people's names in songs with the people we wish we could sing the song to.
- Paige Rider
17th Nov 2014 5:30pm
18th Nov 2014 11:37am
You're welcome, I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for reading and for your comment.
- Paige Rider
- Paige Rider
