deepundergroundpoetry.com
Facing Reality
I want to pretend just a little longer
That I don't feel distant
And that we are closer than ever
I want to dream for a few more nights
That I'm still in love
And that I've never fallen out of it
I want to spend all my time smiling
At the things you have done
Not crying at what you didn't
And I want to act like it feels good being yours
Even better with you being mine
Meant to be for all of time
But I know in the end I am only lying
The truth is that I am dying
Because you killed me long ago
And there is no going back now, been trying
But feelings evaporated into the past
So I've no choice but to leave them behind
I'm sorry if it hurts you or you don't understand
I know you've been doing your part
Your version of trying was a start
But it's not enough to mend the pieces of me
I always feel broken in your arms
Even when you think you're holding me together
Your kiss does not consume me anymore
Your touch does not ignite a flame of passion
And thoughts of you leave me sad most days
I used to think 'too little too late' was just a saying
But the meaning has been burned into my soul
A lesson I'm sure not to forget
I think I fought for us far too long
Devoted all energy to fighting for you
Forgot that I needed fighting for too
Now, I need to get up and fight for me
And correct this messed up state I'm in
So please, just let me go
I want to move on to other experiences
But I can't continue forward to new things
If you keep holding me back
There's no where left to go from here
I've been taught all that I can learn
And I'm grateful for what you've shown me
It feels good to know that I did all I could
But now that I have let go of the anger
I've found there's nothing left to hold onto
You deserve someone who is happy to make you happy
Who can reciprocate your feelings
And is madly in love with you
I was that girl at one time
But now I know I am not
I'm reminded when I try to remember how it felt
I wanted to be her again
So for a little longer I had to pretend
But now I must find a way to face what is real
That I don't feel distant
And that we are closer than ever
I want to dream for a few more nights
That I'm still in love
And that I've never fallen out of it
I want to spend all my time smiling
At the things you have done
Not crying at what you didn't
And I want to act like it feels good being yours
Even better with you being mine
Meant to be for all of time
But I know in the end I am only lying
The truth is that I am dying
Because you killed me long ago
And there is no going back now, been trying
But feelings evaporated into the past
So I've no choice but to leave them behind
I'm sorry if it hurts you or you don't understand
I know you've been doing your part
Your version of trying was a start
But it's not enough to mend the pieces of me
I always feel broken in your arms
Even when you think you're holding me together
Your kiss does not consume me anymore
Your touch does not ignite a flame of passion
And thoughts of you leave me sad most days
I used to think 'too little too late' was just a saying
But the meaning has been burned into my soul
A lesson I'm sure not to forget
I think I fought for us far too long
Devoted all energy to fighting for you
Forgot that I needed fighting for too
Now, I need to get up and fight for me
And correct this messed up state I'm in
So please, just let me go
I want to move on to other experiences
But I can't continue forward to new things
If you keep holding me back
There's no where left to go from here
I've been taught all that I can learn
And I'm grateful for what you've shown me
It feels good to know that I did all I could
But now that I have let go of the anger
I've found there's nothing left to hold onto
You deserve someone who is happy to make you happy
Who can reciprocate your feelings
And is madly in love with you
I was that girl at one time
But now I know I am not
I'm reminded when I try to remember how it felt
I wanted to be her again
So for a little longer I had to pretend
But now I must find a way to face what is real
Published 3rd Nov 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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4th Nov 2014 5:47am
Your poetry isn't witty, it's not metaphorically clever, it's a beautiful butterfly floating along on your emotions .. your poetry is far to good to be simply posted here, should be in a book for sell .. really! I'm serious.
Every poem is a new chapter we wait for with anticipation, hoping to beat the crowd to get our copy .. lol
You better be careful or a good man might fall in love with your words, only to find that the woman behind the words, is far more beautiful .. you deserve the flattery I'm spooning, so open up and savor on it's flavor .. big hug from Jonny
Every poem is a new chapter we wait for with anticipation, hoping to beat the crowd to get our copy .. lol
You better be careful or a good man might fall in love with your words, only to find that the woman behind the words, is far more beautiful .. you deserve the flattery I'm spooning, so open up and savor on it's flavor .. big hug from Jonny
4th Nov 2014 6:07am
Oh my god I don't know what to say! :$ Just, wow. What a crazy, amazing, truly awesome compliment! Thank you!
The book thing... hmm. Maybe, maybe one day. I can't believe you think it's that good or worth that much, but that is just yeah. Not sure what to say. Amazing.
Thank you for saying I deserve it, I will do my best to take it in. Same regarding your lovely comment about the girl behind the words... Awwww. Such an incredibly sweet thing to say. I'm touched by your love for my writing.
The book thing... hmm. Maybe, maybe one day. I can't believe you think it's that good or worth that much, but that is just yeah. Not sure what to say. Amazing.
Thank you for saying I deserve it, I will do my best to take it in. Same regarding your lovely comment about the girl behind the words... Awwww. Such an incredibly sweet thing to say. I'm touched by your love for my writing.
5th Nov 2014 5:45am
@ WoundedHeart ... Crazy! Thank you, haha sweetest thing anyone's said to me in awhile .. the book thing, it should really happen asap, I'd like to get my paid #1 copy signed personally .. the beautiful woman thing, I don't know your age or visual appearance but I don't judge beauty on an image but what lies in someone's heart and soul and I read you like a book .. a poetry book, lol .. yes I know I'm outspoken and full of kindness .. it's free so I spend it wildly on those I find worthy
5th Nov 2014 8:26am
Aww! You are such a nice person and I'm happy that some of your kindness happened to come in my direction.
Well if, and massive if, the book thing ever happens, perhaps I will see what I can do about you being among one of the first to have a signed copy. :) Least I could do, really. Thanks so much for the encouragement!
I love what you said about inner beauty. I'm not sure what to say when relating it to me, other than thank you for seeing what's inside and for determining it as such. It's hard to formulate a response to that... But I do appreciate it.
I am very similar, all about heart and soul, image is secondary. What's on the outside only goes so far and it's a shame some people never realize that. I'm glad it's something we can relate on.
Well if, and massive if, the book thing ever happens, perhaps I will see what I can do about you being among one of the first to have a signed copy. :) Least I could do, really. Thanks so much for the encouragement!
I love what you said about inner beauty. I'm not sure what to say when relating it to me, other than thank you for seeing what's inside and for determining it as such. It's hard to formulate a response to that... But I do appreciate it.
I am very similar, all about heart and soul, image is secondary. What's on the outside only goes so far and it's a shame some people never realize that. I'm glad it's something we can relate on.
7th Nov 2014 11:01am
7th Nov 2014 11:40am
You're welcome. This is from a period last year before I decided to end a long term relationship, but figured I'd post some things that never got posted at the time of throughout the week from that chapter to mark a year free, to help with the healing process and recovery. I am so, so sorry you can relate, because it's a deeply sad place to be. But at the same time, I'm glad that we share this understanding. I truly appreciate your comment a lot and thanks for making me feel like posting this was worth it, beyond what it does for my own self.
7th Nov 2014 12:27pm
Yes it was definitely worth it posting this and thank you again. And yes, it is a deeply sad place indeed. "I want to pretend just a little bit longer"...every word is exactly what i feel but these especially expressed what i feel now totally. I truly hope better days followed the period of your life reflected in this heartfeltpoem :)
Thank you so much. Still a work in progress, but I'm doing a lot better now. Learned a lot and been able to form new connections. Made some wrong choices and was able to detect them quickly which was useful, and also somehow seemed to find a great one, too. :) Having the support of friends encouraging me to take these final steps to get through this process is something I'm thankful for and I can't ever take that for granted. So with that said, I hope that you are able to find the same and that you can find your way to what's real, because living in a world of pretend only hurts yourself in the end and there is no need to destroy all that you are when it can be avoided. And I'd never wish for anyone to be stuck in that state. Hope better days enter your future sooner rather than later. :)
