Evil resembled badness

Have I done it in life?
Have I really, really made it?
oh dear friend you are just there to support
you say ay to this
But is it?
I doubt and question it.

I have created much
And destroyed much more
I have planted much sorrow
In many life
And I have cultivated much

O badness, you know me better Than most
You have shaped me in many way
Tell me:
Have I made it?
Have I done it?
Look at me
I write with a muddled heart
I know a little of what I write
But I am writing for my soul is sored
I know I feel
love
care
shame
For the same
people I have pained

Oh mother
What has become of me.