half arsed nihilism

I love her like a cigarette
distastefully, and with a romantic notion
of killing myself slowly

Sheís everything I want to be
and maybe could have been
in a different life
if I didnít mind being found
murdered in a gutter
still wrapped around a bottle of gin

Iím too interested in self-preservation
to be a true nihilist
no matter how much the notion
turns me on

And I know sheíll never love me
the way I want, the way I need
to be loved
and there is a part of me
that doesnít mind that Iím just
a warm body to pass the time

Because she lets me be broken
and even though Iím scared of losing
whatever edge keeps her here
I canít help but let slip the mask
to let her see the parts of me
I know Iíll regret showing

There is power in our secrets
and Iím not yet tired of playing games
because they give me something to write about
when the nights are lonely
and cold and devoid
of the destruction I still dream about
but no longer straddle like a lover
waiting to be fucked

© Indie Adams 2014
Written by Indie (Miss Indie)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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