INTERNAL LANDSCAPE       (7-9-01;  Galveston Island, Texas)

   

my internal landscape      
and horizon    
seem destined to evolve      
          not just      
          the ceaseless stimulation      
          of my renegade mind    
seldom stagnant      
yet at times      
erupting in conflicting directions    
          forward here  backward there    
          now something new      
          is coming up    
something good  astir in me    
transition time  i sense again    
as i seem to find myself    
          moving into a new      
          phase of growth    
          ive sought  and prayed for oft    
but have also      
put off for years    
although i no longer feel      
quite so completely lost    
          it seems im traveling now      
          towards some brighter      
          new clearing    
here in the midst of all my      
entangled misunderstandings      
and emotional complexities    
          once lost in a forest of fears    
          where i kept myself      
          trapped for years    
always seeking  
to find some way      
back out into the sunlight      
of what is really there      
          everywhere    
          in everything    
          behind the surface trickery    
          of my misconnected mind    
somewhere within  
the great black hole s  
stubborn  choke hold grip    
on my blind  restless ego    
          in all my elongated despair    
          despite the intuitive hinting      
          of something beyond all i know    
          and my spinning compass imagination    
it appears i have almost lost sight      
of my truer goal    
in the open  spinning dizziness      
of so much distracting convolution    
          forgetting i am already there    
          at that calm clearing in the woods      
          which has always been right here    
          just behind where ive been looking all along    
sadly in all the wrong directions    
where it has been too seldom    
that i have chosen    
to simply close my eyes    
          to all i see and know    
          and look instead within    
          rather than by doing as i much too often have    
          by only turning around to look behind me    
from where i have already come from    
been and gone    
just long enough to pause      
from all the continuous running around    
          in the marathon race of my mind    
          to stop  look  listen      
          let go and breathe    
beyond what silence i may find inside    
with no other expectation nor intention    
than paying closer attention      
to its guiding stillness    
          wherein through being  
          more patiently mindful      
          and ever hopeful    
          that that transcendent  
shining moment      
may still yet come again  
when my sense of simply being      
may finally slip up      
          at long last    
          into what true being  
          actually looks like
          actually means  
into more clearly seeing
more everlastingly knowing
what true enlightenment  
awakened being and living
          experientially is