The Kill

I don't like to think of dying
But what if your arms could kill?
What if all my insecurities could be gone in a flash
Fears washed away in an instant
All at the power of
Your touch
Would you go for it?

What if your embrace contains the secret ingredient
To all that I'm missing
And have never quite been able to find
If I knew
I'd let it stir in my mind
But I would remain still
Moved by you
Deeply, too
But not enough
To really follow where you lead

Because I'm afraid of what you see
So when you come around
I fight it on every turn
I don't have the strength you possess
Or it's not been discovered yet
But I love how strong you are
When I'm not
It makes me feel better
Than I really should
Makes me want to be enveloped by you
And allow myself to submit to your affection
But why?
When I'm perfectly aware
That I could either die at your hands
Or come completely alive
Both equally terrifying

What you have looks beautiful
I admire it closely
Yet still at a distance
Inspecting thoroughly
I bet even if you dangled it in front of me
Or offered it to me delicately and sweet
I'd never reach for it
Because I know that though I want it
I'm too scared to hold
Because that requires letting go
Then holding on for dear life
Basing grip on hope that
Things will be okay
And it could go either way
Whereas I could just
Go

And so, I'll sit back and watch
As it all plays out
And I'll tell myself it's better this way
Although it might not be
And you won't know, how I'm feeling
Or even that I'm thinking
Of what it would be like
To let you
Rid me of all the things I don't need
Strip away these elements that threaten to destroy me
Kill them all before they make the kill first
It's just that god, it hurts
To be killed to kill...
And I don't  know what's worse
To die at my hands or someone else's
When all I want
Is just to be safe