Thirty four

I dressed in purple instead of black. Made a stiff drink then another. On a mission to deal with your death once more. The pain never completely goes away. Its my birthday and I want nothing more than to be near you.
I'm going to pay my respects and fall apart again. No cake or blowing out candles. I cannot celebrate though I know you want me to.   I  
must find a way to be OK with your transition.  So I bid you farewell for now.  Vow to live.     .    Honor u&I.                  My head is draped in purple instead of black