Emo Sapiens

The influx of well worded batterings are helping dilute the topic at hand. A fine write good sir.

Hello again Mr. Townend, I was wondering if this might catch your eye. Pleased you found it favorable.

Thank you. Thank you.

Quite welcome, miz. Glad to have you in agreement.

Well.. I think its awful. I think that you haven't walked a day in any of there shoes to speak so ill of them. And if you have felt some type of pain in life you wouldn't say any of this. I find it mean, judgmental, pathetic and just down right hilarious. It just shows that you have no compassion for anyone do you know half the people on this site? Doubt that so your pointing your finger at them and making them feel low I wonder why!! And half are kids that is a good job.. You can't compare this to hamihead poem either his was teaching in a hard manor yours is belittling and its awful.. Sorry just my opinion

I'm not here to baby anybody. I'm here to write poetry, shape my skills and my poems, and help people around me. That's what DU is intended for, which apparently you've forgotten. Anybody who needs mental help should get it from a professional, not from a web site intended for literary collaboration. I wouldn't go to a psychiatrist asking for tips on wording a poem, would I?

Look I'm not going to go ape shit on your poem so I'll leave what I said as I said it. But your  reply was clever.. But  there are many kids on here that are exactly that " kids" they don't know how to get help.. don't help if you don't want to,  I sure don't at all ever but then again I wouldn't bash them for expressing there feelings.. It annoys everyone even me sometimes but who am I to say stop your stupid for that, and who are you to say it to them??  

My opinion only don't take offense I like your work just not this poem sorry

True but you walk a fine line between offense and freedom of expression. Mike I agree with you first off, and secondly I might be offensive and a huge hypocrite for saying this, but it does help to have a degree of compassion for what subject matter you do write about. I write about a lot of fucked up shit, but I genuinely have respect for other peoples feelings. If someone said I was a sick bastard for writing the horrible stuff I do, I would whole heartily agree "laughs" either way if it offends someone they have the choice of never reading it again as well! Everyone has an opinion whether its based on ignorance or intelligence is another thing. Everyone has their own feelings and to vindicate that is wrong. Just smile and say "thank you mam! May I please have another?"  And no you're not here to baby anyone, you're not a professional, and neither am I "laughs" but one thing is for sure just have some respect or else no one will give it to you in kind...

"you walk a fine line between offense and freedom of expression" If you believe that then I don't think you know what freedom of expression means. This is a literary website, not day camp for kids with problems, and I won't beat around any bush. Call me callous if you want, but there's poems on this website with a hundred times more fucked up shit than one guy's rant on bad poetry, and that stuff's on reading lists.

What a very ignorant retort. Its more vain than callous! Its people like you putting a label on what is otherwise considered literary art. Freedom of expression is an art form, but if you do not have respect for others than no one will respect you either. Its a real shame that most people on here act like little whiny asses and pick apart and act real critical when they themselves have no other merits themselves to back up the shit that they talk (including myself as well) I just write what I feel, and if I disrespect someone then I at least acknowledge it. You don't have to make an apology, but it shows you personal integrity by acting the way you do, and you are not honorable by any means. Have more respect for the way you write. Or no one will take you seriously. From what I get on this website, most people are just horny disgusting jerks who want to read about sick things and pornography. My erotic poetry gets read 100 times more than compared to some of the other tamer things I write. Statistics never lie. Good day sir!

...who are you arguing with? The entire ending of that comment pretty much was exactly what I was saying. If people had respect for how they write, I wouldn't have posted this poem. Obviously I don't take them seriously as a result. "You are not honorable by any means" Do you even know what you're talking about? You'll berate me for not knowing people and then make assumptions like that? Do you even realize that you're arguing that I shouldn't make assumptions based on what people write, and then doing exactly that yourself? Are you drunk?

Great poem, great concept.

"caught your hangnail,
think twice before you write
of heartbreak, at least until you
learn how to spell it."

I love the ending. And the title.

Thanks, glad you're on board.

Just an angry man..

i lol'd when i read your comment hahahaa

I initially published a comment wading into the argument on the comments page here, but decided to retract it after some thought. Regardless what anyone might think about the issue your poem explores, I think your use of language is clever and crisp, your line breaks well placed and thoughts delineated with enviable precision. Personally, I think a poem should be responded to not on the level of what it expresses, but how it expresses it. This is art, not politics, and in art we should be able to say what we please so long as we say it with honesty and skill. Orson Scott Card has some controversial views based on his Mormon beliefs which I disagree with, but that doesn’t mean I’ll never read Ender’s Game again. The purpose of politics is to debate. The purpose of poetry is to create. (Hey, I think I have myself a nice snapshot poem there!)  
My favourite lines:  
 
"Love is two eighty year olds  
passed on within three months  
because one wouldn't live  
without the other."  
 
and  
 
"'cause the big mean world  
(or at least the square inch of it you've seen)"

Thanks for the feedback, and obviously I agree. The last part was my favorite too.

I weigh in with Jack Heslop's comments by and large,
however once in a while I do read something that feels like it's just been ripped out of some kid's gut and smeared on the page and I find myself compelled to respond.  Must be the mother in me./fly

I agree for the most part, but obviously youre here whining about something you know nothing about(their lives and how they deal with their problems) so why whine at them for expressing how they feel and how they cope with it when youre doing the exact same thing...just seems unnecessary

You took the words out of my mouth the one above me :).. I must add to it though.. I did not say I don't like you or your poetry I just said this one in particular I do not like.. It is a bash on emo kids it's unfair and rude to them they are here doing the same as everyone else let them speak free why not turn a blind eye like you are telling me to on this poem. And  I actually said I like your work.. I just thought this was  mean and thoughtless poem. We do have the choice to add our opinions when said poet says they encourage feedback.. I gave my opinion that's all.. I meant no offense but I do feel the kids should write what they like

There's one thing you're forgetting: in art, nothing is sacred. And if it causes even one person to look at their own work to make it better, then it'll have been worth it. And, I take no offense, don't worry, it's just what you believe. And this poem (and all my above comments) are what I believe.

"...in art, nothing is sacred." -- dude, I say that's a fuckin' blasmephy! This poem sucks.

Well, that's constructive.

Haha, love your attitude here. :)

This poem rocks! It's not buried at all, it's actually my poems tombstone. For that I'm grateful. :D Oh my, what to say about this piece of jolly-good goodness, love the old couple bit as well as the big mean world square inch bit, especially liked the hangnail part, classic. You definitely know how to make people feel what you're saying, that's for sure. You should be proud, if I were one of those kids that you speak of I'd be pissed! (blackdahlia....)

First of all my apologies for the vagueness of my previous comment. What I wish to say is that not all people are capable of such grip and depth of emotions 'you guys' have but does it mean that we shouldn't, at least be considerate of what they feel? Sure they  could be as freakin' annoying as hell but it doesn't help either to break them down further. But then again, it's just an opinion and we're all entitled to own one. And it's never cool to assume what people are like according to  their brief statement. (jadielue)

Alrighty, let's not point fingers. I think you should go back and read my previous comments; you'll find that I'm not that callous and cross, I just use this website for its intended purpose and get tired of people not doing the same. I really have no problems reading bad poetry as long as if I take the time to provide constructive feedback, they actually want to get better and answer with something other than "well I don't care about my writing anyway."

Its not that I don't care, I just believe that we all need to have respect. I never said I didn't like you poem, I agree with you, but in regards to your statements you lack compassion to offending people. Sure this isn't a day care and you don't have to sugarcoat it, but all your crappy analogies aside, its still other peoples feelings you're dealing with. Get to know the facts instead of coming up with assumptions...Stereotypes are ignorant at best and that is what you have based your writing on. Educate yourself in this world and you will go far. Knowledge is power, of which you have little to none...

Bah. I never gave them the emo stereotype, they volunteered it. You volunteer a stereotype, it's on your own head when people react with stereotypical assumptions. And I'm not dealing with other people's feelings on this site, I'm dealing with their poems. Finally, don't assume I have no knowledge; I'm at university studying biomedical engineering, and I'm going to graduate school in the fall. Knowledge has nothing to do with it, and calling me ignorant was just an insult which added nothing to your argument.

your lucky you havent suffered like weve suffered ur just mean and jealous bcause you dont have the deep thoughts we do. ill keep listening to TOKYO MOTEL thanks. They're real poets unlike you.

Yep I agree with you!

Wow this poem got bad.. Hey I never said the guy that wrote this was a bad person for writing this at all.. Maybe he felt some type of way that day and went with it.. His other poems are good he shouldn't get judged by this one poem.. Bad idea to us good idea to someone else I shouldn't of said a thing.. Not that anyone followed suit because of me.. But I don't like seeing someones work getting this bashed. Because of his opinion damn wth

The man got a bit pissed off and wrote a poem. The comments then got personal as all hell....by people defending a scene...you think emo will be regarded as any more important than punk in 200 years time? Wake up kiddies...a man is allowed to write what he feels.

Thank you.

Understood Hemi but aren't we all allowed to write what we feel even if it's not understood by all or know one at all?

Hell yeah baby...if we can't, we're fucked :-)

Cool freedom of expression nothing like it..peace Brenda

Well thankee kind lady! And I'm still somewhat young, but certainly old enough to poke fun at puppy love. Thanks for the read and feedback.

having read and enjoyed your past works i find the tone of this one somewhat disturbing.in itself that is not a bad thing as i think poetry is at its best when it can stir feelings.
however, since you mentioned your academic   achievements i cant help but wonder why your opening lines were so childish.

What a whiny, wussy,
pathetic bunch of losers.

i dont think i have ever read a poem that launched such a scathing attack on fellow poets.
hurt is hurt whether you are 15 or 45.
i have recently read a poem by hemihead that already tackled this subject but with some tact and balance.

i hope you can go back to writing the great poetry that is synonymous with your good name.  

     

Well, thank you at least for not couching your opinion in an insult. I feel I have fully discussed the subject matter of this piece in the above comments, and from now on will no longer be discussing it. Anybody with constructive literary comments about structure, wording etc is welcome to continue to post.

well first id like to say that your poem is based on a stereotype that is false. emo is a type of music from the eighties. yes there are kids that run around with long hair and skinnies myself included but to say that all they are sad about is that they broke up is a huge generalization. people experience things in their life that they simply cannot cope with well. im not going to argue this opinion with you but i will say its just not heartbreak that causes me pain.
on a second note id like to remind you and everybody else that if you are entitled to your opinion in the poem then we are entitled to ours in the comments.
furthermore id like to say that youre being hypocritical in this poem by whining about people whining. yes thats my opinion.

all opinions and other shit aside, good poem but i would make it an anger poem not a dark one.... not too dark just kinda judgemental and angry

Good point. I originally posted it in "dark" because it was tangentially related, but in retrospect it should have been in the "anger" section. (Or observational, since it's an observation on something else, but if you use that logic then what isn't observational? haha)

young or old

Great poem, still...we do learn so much more as we age...but the initial infatuation stage can fool even the wisest of fools.

black is the new emo

So angry and so funny! It made me want to yell "thank you" and laugh all at once. I remember feeling the pain so deeply that these kids talk so much of. A valid pain for them, and I hope they never have worse. And then I felt pain for real!

I read like half of the comments, and I feel it's my turn to post something.
I personally agree with Mike all the way. Emo kids are just a bunch of whiney fucks that should observe what's going on around them. (Song: You'll rebel to anything by MSI). I feel if they don't want to be hated upon they won't read this poem in the first place. Furthermore, you're telling him not to make assumptions, yet you yourself are making the assumption that he actually never has felt someones pain like this. You are all assuming that he hasn't been in this situation then thought to himself "You know what, fuck it. I should go out and experience more of life that I have to see if my life truely does suck, or if I'm just stuck in the moment." I'm not saying this is probable, I'm just saying if you ASSUME it makes an ASS of U and ME.

I like it, although I can't completelty agree with it I appreciate it. Emo is a bad term I think it stereotypes people that can't handle or grip emotion, and also what they wear age etc etc. As comes with everything trends have to be set it is the 21st century. But as for some they call themselves emo's to get attention?  Or to fit in, but you'll find most people who actually wnat to die, suicidal etc wont bother with trends and will suffer from depression and struggle with it until they eventually cave. There is nothing to do with age, upbringing families etc. Those who spawn from physical and emotional abuse that they cannot escape from at home will see death as an easy way out. And why not? Life is hard, no one could walk in everyones shoes, maybe I might walk in your shoes and I might find them quite comfy. Or I might not like it. We're all different people, different genders from different eras. We all ahve the right to take our own life if it gets too much, we could dwell on it, write about it, practise it but at the end of the day its our choice and when you have no self worth you don't really care what other people think. Well done anyway, your words are put together well and like the rest of your writing I cannot flaw it

I'd like to start this out with a mental picture of a winking face. I've read this before, a couple times I do believe so, but never bothered with all the conflict that ensued. It made me think about my own opinion of the poem. I have to agree with Eamon on the bit were the start was a bit childish, but not with as much feeling as he seemed to put in to it. I just didn't really like it. I myself wouldn't have called it childish, but it was saying a lot of emotion with really dull words. "pathetic bunch of losers." I honestly am not sure on how to word that differently, but perhaps fitting "an annoyance" instead of "losers" somehow in there so it's not so much of an attack, (not saying it is) but more of a generalization of perspective. Then, I shall continue by saying I agree with splendid on "all new love is puppy love". Young or old, losing someone is always hard, no matter what the circumstances. But, not having the time and experience to have a certain degree of connection can be built up in several different ways. Same goes for opposing circumstances. Such as, I'm rather young, but it still hurts quite a lot to lose someone. Even knowing that they were probably a complete dick,  but having someone apart of your life and then not will indeed make an impact, whatever it may be.  
Then, we have the next stanza. The first part of it was little unclear at first, leaving to assume but had an idea that was distinct. I like how you worded this one a lot, especially "that girl who [held her breath long enough to hold your hand] in public..." that was poetic, indeed, Mike. The second part was just absolutely adorable and held so much truth and emotion even though the concept was sad still left you smiling. Well done. The last bit, as much of a fan of the saying I am, still seemed a bit misplaced with what you were talking about even though it did connect with living and not. I can see the play on words where it could mean a lot, but that was the connection, and it's not nice to tamper with aspects of life such as.  
This one I loved. It was very well written for such a short stanza, and said a lot with few words which is a something I'm a fan of. Then I must disagree with the presumptions you are making of these emo sapiens for you are in no place to say that referring to each of the specific little nutheads, how much they have or have not seen of the world. I wish I could say I had something to prove that I knew a lot more than I should about at a young age such as a college degree or something or another, but alas all I have is a few math competition awards and a quite a few scars from the non-concrete austerity of the world. Spelling is a little pet peeve of mine, so I really have to agree with this one. Most of the situations that teens are put in with heartbreak are inane beyond belief, but, I will allow that this is a bit straightforward for something that doesn't apply to all of them. And please, oh please, kids, if you can't spell, use spell check just for the sake of everyone else.  
 
Overall, a good poem. Brought up a lot, made you think about a lot. And I appreciate the craftsmanship. Just take a few things in to mind if you would, that is if you already haven't, and I will definitely keep updated on your work, if you don't mind.  
This is also concluded with a mental picture of a winking face.

What a pity that this poem is overshadowed by the comments.  Both in my opinion were entertaining and food for thought.

I have agree with Eamon, I'm not too fond of the opening two lines: "What a whiny, wussy,
pathetic bunch of losers."
but with that said, you then sort of make a justification for it by putting forward a counter-statement.  So you end up with an ends justifies the means kind of deal.

I was particularly touched by the "two eighty year olds" because I know a couple for which this was true (I think they died within a couple of months of each other where cause of the second was given as natural).  This type of imagery really helps to ensure that your poem really is a poem rather than just some angry rant.

I wasn't too fond of "Last time I checked you're still here,
though I really wish you weren't." but again, I think you can just about get away with it because of the ambiguity of it, since you never really express what "here" is. (it is implied of course)

Anyway, I guess this is a long-winded way of saying that for me, it's definitely poetry, it's valid, it's real regardless of moral implications.  Quite frankly it's very hard not to feel the same way at times.

Thank you for that wholly enjoyable read. Might I just ask, although the eighty year old's have love, do the youth not have passion. Even if it may be misplaced.

Simply wow!!!! I may have said all other things that you have got in so much of the comments but my fav part which I can't stop mentioning is, "Love is two eighty year olds
passed on within three months
because one wouldn't live
without the other. "
Still I must say that the title is not completely justified.