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damn, this high is beautiful


i've got clouds in my veins

and my eyes became my lips
when you kissed me
i could envision myself
six weeks later
putting a cigarette out on my tits
to feel some new pain thrill
but still,
my heart proved more sore
than the burn
i saw me using your promises of forever
as a bookmark
tear splattered pages
and always a sad ending

for a masochist

and still i sucked your tongue
like it was your dick
jamming into my fat thigh
i clawed and pleaded
with the sad muscles of your back
a premonition of you leaving me
in my desert
of pain butterflies and dead eyes
where no other soul exists

i have always
found werewolves tragic
can't you see
humanity is the curse
not the moon hungry beast
there are novels
of heartsickness and ghosts and belonging
in those haunted howls
i am envy
all i have are these
mute scribblings
sprinkled with glitter and piss
and tulip ashes

i wish i could tell you i hate you and mean it
that i face the sunshine smiling
that i don't think of you when i masturbate in the shower and cry
sickened with my body
envisioning softly healing scars
and bats shredding your eyelids

by moonlight,
i am a baby swan
circling an empty pond
avoiding my ugly reflection

this isn't happening
you were never real
i am a clumsy dream
you imagined out of bored cruelty

i want to kiss the hands
of the man that handed me
this sweet little coma white package
all my happiness
into one pharmacy bag

this high is as smooth as my skin
and i want his hatred all over me
he isn't a virgin to insanity
he isn't a machine
he is blood and guts and venom
and berlin speaking walls
pain flowers
that smell so sweet and familiar
that i weep
a god that barely knows i exist

you would hate him

i was a creep to love you,
to hold your small rough hands
and believe the lies in your eyes

i bet if you looked
into my eyes now
they would be dead, staring

i'd be shaking and stuttering smelling like sex
smiling like billy bibbit
he slit his throat

i'm coming


Written by sooterella
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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