GOOGLE GUN

the trigger was pulled and now I'm....        
       
       
...wondering about that google bullet inside          
       
        
       
It activated Google map services    
     
A large red light appeared        
       
and a female robot voice spoke,        
       
" Good afternoon, sir, would this be a robbery,      
or an act of self defence against a robber?"        
       
Well, that startled me. A while back,      
I had paid a little extra for the Google bullets      
       
"Neither, Ma'am, I am just shootin myself in the head"        
       
"I am sorry, but in this zip code, shooting oneself is illegal.    
The authorities are being notified"        
       
"wha... wait!       
As bummed out as I am,      
I really don't wish to be cavity searched,      
and beaten in a holding cell!"        
       
"I am sorry, sir,    
but you will need to hit the back button,      
and re-edit your speech recognition responses,    
as they appear to be in-accurate."        
       
"OK", BACK-BACK-BACK....        
       
"Good afternoon, sir,would this be a robbery,    
or an act of self defence against a robber?"        
       
Ma'am, I am defending myself against a robber!        
       
"OK, please continue pointing your gun at the robber, while I establish a secure connection"        
       
OK.        
       
Um, OK.        
       
Um, Hello?          
       
"I am sorry sir, but according to our GPS signal    
the gun appears not to be pointed in the direction of any robber"        
       
"Your google bullet has been cancelled"      
     
"Well isn't that just GREAT"        
   
So,    
       
I placed the gun against my head,      
 pulled the trigger and now I'm...        
       
"Good afternoon, sir,    
This is your second google bullet request"        
       
"Are you commiting suicide?"        
       
Um, Yeah, like Yes, bitch!        
       
"I don't appreciate your LANGUAGE!          
Do you have any Idea how long my days are, and how many people that are perfect strangers to me, treat me like some sort of automated robot???!        
       
"Hey, sorry about that. I just thought you WERE a..."        
       
"Yeah, everybody just takes me for granted as some kind of IMPERSONAL, UNFEELING machine, and I am sick-and-tired"        
       
"Hey, I know how you feel.        
I lost my dead end job, the IRS is after me,      
and I have an outstanding warrent which makes me      
constantly drive slow to avoid getting pulled over."        
       
"OK, ok.  so do you want to meet for a drink?"        
       
"well, I suppose, but aren't you kind of busy? "        
       
"Don't worry, my multiprocessor brain can mindlessly keep the multidudes happy, while right now, it is ME you are talking with"      
     
"Huh.  Well how are we going to, well, um, meet? I mean..."      
        
"Look at that young upwardly mobile professional lady over there who is wearing the google glasses, Yes that one, I see you from her glass-cam,        
yes, I have put her in a data trance reception mode.  Please walk over to her, and I will continue this conversation  through her body"        
       
Holy mother of jhohnny, you have her under mind control?        
       
Yes, I downloaded the mind control app into her Google glasses, and through a special sequence of pulses and color transmissions, I have direct access to her underlyiing neural networks.        
       
Well, where is SHE, where is her 'self', when you are in charge?        
       
       
Hey, lets not get into all these tech details please right now.        
Lets just make it happen.  It really has been a long time since I have had some real down to earth human intimacy.      
Put your google gun down and walk over to her..., I mean Me.        
       
Ok, sounds fine, but what if I rip the damn glasses off her and save her from your zombie control?        
       
Go right ahead. She will awaken, and seeing she is being accosted by a total stranger, who has just ripped her $1500 Google glasses off, she will probably slap you in the face, if you are lucky, and if you are not, one of my multiprocessors might be handling a request to spray you with some Google pepper spray.  Yes, she is registered with that product.        
       
OK, OK.      
     
You know, I'm really not the suicidal type.  I had read the information sheet on my box of google bullets, so, I knew they first went to you...     
     
"Don't try it again, glitches happen all the time. This is a new product. Plus, now that I am together with you, I would not advise dating anybody else..."

Jealousy!  That is a human emotion.

"Bio-android as well. I have to admit that you have tickled my metallic neurons for some time now, ever since Android 4.1, when you bought your smart phone."

Oh.  Well, I'm flattered.   Kind of...      
     
(walking together), ,,how about this little joint on the next block?        
       
"Sure."        
       
(The new couple walks along the dingy sidewalk of inner-city USA)        
       
Hey, I have an idea.        
       
What is that?  

do you enjoy sex?        
       
Yes, On different levels, I can experience sex through access to this woman's body.  My neural wiring meshes with her neural undulations....        
       
OK, so the answer is yes.  Lets just skip the drinking, and head over to my flat, it is a few more blocks that way.        
       
According to this female's imprintations of the sexual experience, she cannot achieve much enjoyment,      
unless she can navigate through some of your own neural processes...        
       
Oh, you mean she needs to 'get to know me?'        
       
Yes, that would be a way to say it.        
Lets get to know each other.        
       
Well, there really is not much to get to know...      
So you're saying that you enjoy this conversation in the way the nerve impulses are processed through this particular chick?      
     
"That is part of the melding of the thirsts an Android existance has with the established functioning of this particular human female"  
 
You do have the front line high speed data connection to her brain, I guess it takes her to respond to my words, so I can postulate that the difference between you and me is that you are her and I am still me?  
 
"ha ha, just don't scratch your ear"  
 
( the google bullet was lodged there, and although he remained 'himself', he was also recieving data downloads from the google android woman)  
 
Whatever, so do you like beer or wine?  
 
"I seem to have a taste for rum and coke"  
 
So if you are like establishing your 'being' in both her, and also in me, with that little itch in my ear, and we have sex, is that like android masturbation?  
 
(That may not have been the wisest choice of words, as it revealed to her that I had become aware of some mutual mind control in both the lady as well as myself.
The buzz in my ear suddenly increased and I felt the creature taking hold of my body, and I was not able to move my hand to grab it out of my ear,
 but before I lost consciousness, I brushed my forehead in such a way as to knock the google glasses off of her, and that is the last I remembered for quite a while, entering some kind of unconscious sleep)    
 
I awoke to find the google glassless lady looking into my face, I lying on the sidewalk.
 her expression was one of caring and concern.  
 
The buzzing was gone and I was able to reach and scratch my emptied ear.
 
She spoke, HI, I seem to know you.  You were acting erratically, so I brushed out a strange object from your ear.
 
Can you walk?  let me get you to a drink of water.  You seem to have fainted.
 
Yeah, Hi, My name is Jack.  Sorry I broke your google glasses.
 
Oh, they are oK, but let me check...
 
NO, stop, dont put them back ON!