The Grey Areas

Blankly staring at this bed that has rotted away into the nothingness. Seeing everyone and saying "Hello" to all my fake friends. The universe thinking these friendships will matter in the years to come is idiotic. I used to be so different until I opened my eyes. I used to laugh and make others laugh and be energetic and happy.
Happy.
Happy.
Happy...
He said to write three good things and three bad things and I sat there writing the beautiful tragedy of my life.  I don't want a pity party but I want someone to genuinely care about me. To ask me the most insignificant things about my life and care about if I'm sleeping well or if I'm troubled... It's a pathetic wish to ask for that someone because he left and went to go live his life with someone else. I would endure the worst of pains to spend an afternoon with you because these emotional pains are eating away at my soul. Because I'll never be good enough for you, just like you said.
I'll never be her or do the things she does to you. I'll never hold your hand like her or be happy and kiss you like her.
At least she won't go through this...like me.
I thought that since that amazing day my life would turn around and be amazing but being happy means you're going to be sad later. A normal girl would already be over this and she'd move on to live her life. Why do I feel everything? There's so much pain everywhere in this room and these love poems are just empty words now. Everything I do is wrong and there is no way of anyone else knowing about what this is or what I'm feeling because I always say it's fine even though I'm screaming on the inside. I want to be normal and not worry about anything but all my songs are about how cruel this world is and how it ends.
The worst part is my loved ones seeing my scars and thinking I'm going to kill myself.