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deepundergroundpoetry.com
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nobody owns nothin around here
all slum dogs
no millionaires
no color to these plywood curtains
or flowers in the front yard
generators and extension chords
out the neighbor's window
when they ain't home
kick
dantrell got a ride to the hospital
in the back of my pickup
after bein nice with them hands
on the boy with the gold tips'
brother
apologizing
cuz dude didn't make it
we got discount kools
reggie,heron and soft
bottom dollar
while
milk,bread and gas
covers the whole check
it's already over
after 6 months in that ghost
a nice place for a junkie to visit
but nobody wants to fucking live here
all slum dogs
no millionaires
no color to these plywood curtains
or flowers in the front yard
generators and extension chords
out the neighbor's window
when they ain't home
kick
dantrell got a ride to the hospital
in the back of my pickup
after bein nice with them hands
on the boy with the gold tips'
brother
apologizing
cuz dude didn't make it
we got discount kools
reggie,heron and soft
bottom dollar
while
milk,bread and gas
covers the whole check
it's already over
after 6 months in that ghost
a nice place for a junkie to visit
but nobody wants to fucking live here
Published 14th Aug 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 10
reads 1065
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
14th Aug 2014 2:14am
Mate...all you had to do was back up the first three lines and you had a winner...well done.
I won't say I understand all the slang, but I don't have to when the tone is recognisable, and any decision about the use of slang and the size of your audience is your call...
Keep belting out the strong hooks, and we'll keep reading...
h.
I won't say I understand all the slang, but I don't have to when the tone is recognisable, and any decision about the use of slang and the size of your audience is your call...
Keep belting out the strong hooks, and we'll keep reading...
h.
14th Aug 2014 2:24am
thanx man.
i'm glad that feeling shines through even if language is not that clear.
i figured if trying to create the atmosphere of a place you are describing for the reader,
use the native tongue....
appreciate the comments hemi.....
i'm glad that feeling shines through even if language is not that clear.
i figured if trying to create the atmosphere of a place you are describing for the reader,
use the native tongue....
appreciate the comments hemi.....
Anonymous
14th Aug 2014 3:20am
"nobody owns nothin around here
all slum dogs
no millionaires"
"a nice place for a junkie to visit
but nobody wants to fucking live here "
-dope lines bruv
all slum dogs
no millionaires"
"a nice place for a junkie to visit
but nobody wants to fucking live here "
-dope lines bruv
14th Aug 2014 9:29pm
14th Aug 2014 4:19am
rode down those desolate streets w/dudes wearin do rags & shirts buttoned at the neck...
14th Aug 2014 9:31pm
14th Aug 2014 1:01pm
I get the language, and the image... perfectly.
Like home, with a slightly different lean...love how you get specifics of the tempo of the place into it. Makes sense to call you cousin
Ps... been following most of your writes, you been putting in bits of the southern poorfolk americana throughout... im a fan of that mistique
Like home, with a slightly different lean...love how you get specifics of the tempo of the place into it. Makes sense to call you cousin
Ps... been following most of your writes, you been putting in bits of the southern poorfolk americana throughout... im a fan of that mistique
14th Aug 2014 9:34pm
yeah dawg i figured you'd get it .
haven't been back up north in a min so i guess the dirty is really sinking in.
glad that stuff is workin for you cuz....
haven't been back up north in a min so i guess the dirty is really sinking in.
glad that stuff is workin for you cuz....
15th Aug 2014 5:21am
Damn!!! Every time i read you i get chills all over like wow. when the neighbors aint home .. kick.. fuck you blow me away ..
cool dev...
i'm glad you saw the obvious delinquency there.
i thought that got over looked or readers may have thought it was much deeper than brutal.....
thanx lady...
i'm glad you saw the obvious delinquency there.
i thought that got over looked or readers may have thought it was much deeper than brutal.....
thanx lady...
