deepundergroundpoetry.com
Journal Entry 1, 8th April 2010, 3:03 Am
I know I'm up late. I'm round a friends. My sleeping pattern has been thrown out of sync anway these past few days. A month off from University. No job, no... no real need to go out the house. We go on holida to Spain to Feungirola on Sunday for 12 days. I am rambling, and this is turning out into a visceral monologue; moving from point to point without actually achieving much in one area.
Well, my reason for writing this is to hopefully write down some ideas and get them out of my head. Get them off my chest if you will. I cannot talk to my friend because he is asleep, he wouldn't understand and I would rather not burden him with this. I want to be a single thing, a writer, a boy/man hateful of the world, just one thing. Hopefully so that somehow I'll meet a girl. Can't find that 'special someone' if you're suitable for so many individuals, now can you?
That is a lie, at least for me. I'm not suitable for anyone at the moment. Let me put you in the proverbial picture and start the camera rolling. Yes, I like to extend a metaphor and run with it. At the moment, I am partially a classic romantic; poems and words of sweetness. I am also a being hateful of everything that is not me, and almost every part of me too. Think of it as a Romeo who would give flowers to Juliet then stab her in the heart. That doesn't get Romeo very far now does it? He's just left alone once again.
I am alone. I seem to fit in some groups, yet at the same time I cannot fully give myself to that group or to the world in general. I don't want to speak to a psychiarist if you think I'm mad. I like being a bit eccentric, madness defeats boredom and horror and hatred for me. If I was to completely try to be rational and sane, I start to become apathetic and depressed. This culminates in me not wanting to do anything and contemplating suicide where only a void, a state of non-existence awaits me. It is a void, because I do not fully believe in heaven, heaven is for Christians. I am not a Christian, I am not an atheist either or 'belonging' to any God. I may go onto my opinion on Gods another time.
For now, I shall stop. I shall stop before I bore you and before I tell too much, if I'm understood I may be helped. And I don't want that now do I? - That was sarcasm if you didn't get it. I'm not smiling anyway.
Well, my reason for writing this is to hopefully write down some ideas and get them out of my head. Get them off my chest if you will. I cannot talk to my friend because he is asleep, he wouldn't understand and I would rather not burden him with this. I want to be a single thing, a writer, a boy/man hateful of the world, just one thing. Hopefully so that somehow I'll meet a girl. Can't find that 'special someone' if you're suitable for so many individuals, now can you?
That is a lie, at least for me. I'm not suitable for anyone at the moment. Let me put you in the proverbial picture and start the camera rolling. Yes, I like to extend a metaphor and run with it. At the moment, I am partially a classic romantic; poems and words of sweetness. I am also a being hateful of everything that is not me, and almost every part of me too. Think of it as a Romeo who would give flowers to Juliet then stab her in the heart. That doesn't get Romeo very far now does it? He's just left alone once again.
I am alone. I seem to fit in some groups, yet at the same time I cannot fully give myself to that group or to the world in general. I don't want to speak to a psychiarist if you think I'm mad. I like being a bit eccentric, madness defeats boredom and horror and hatred for me. If I was to completely try to be rational and sane, I start to become apathetic and depressed. This culminates in me not wanting to do anything and contemplating suicide where only a void, a state of non-existence awaits me. It is a void, because I do not fully believe in heaven, heaven is for Christians. I am not a Christian, I am not an atheist either or 'belonging' to any God. I may go onto my opinion on Gods another time.
For now, I shall stop. I shall stop before I bore you and before I tell too much, if I'm understood I may be helped. And I don't want that now do I? - That was sarcasm if you didn't get it. I'm not smiling anyway.
Published 8th Apr 2011
| Edited 26th Feb 2015
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'madness defeats boredom and horror and hatred' was my favourite line until I read the last line and I think most of the singular people, especially writers, can agree with the bitterness that comes with being alone inside ones head. It was a joy to read and I'm glad to see a little exposure on your part so very good job. I always find Journal entries a little difficult to read because I feel it's intrusive but I was curious...my apologies.
8th Apr 2011 4:39pm
Thank you for the comment. I am much abliged. To be honest, the words in this journal would have probably been used to spurt out the next half-a-dozen or so poems. Curiousity killed the cat, but it also showed the cat there was an outside.
24th Apr 2011 4:17am
Many night I sit up and just write random stuff just because everyone is asleep
24th Apr 2011 7:36pm
This is one case where I actually wrote down the words rather than let them rattle around my head. Insomnia: bad for sleeping, good for doing something, anything, at night.
26th Feb 2015 3:53pm
I love this piece to death.
If I were to right down the thoughts in my head that keep swirling in my head like sharknados, it'll probably sound a little like this.
Darker.
If I were to right down the thoughts in my head that keep swirling in my head like sharknados, it'll probably sound a little like this.
Darker.
26th Feb 2015 11:15pm
I had completely forgot I ever wrote this, or what I wrote exactly. Still much the same but sort of getting in the right direction; at least I am more apt to grin than stare into the void.
Take those sharknados, add some fruit and pezzaz, a surfing shark or two, and carry on down the path of happy thoughts. Better that randomness than the void.
Take those sharknados, add some fruit and pezzaz, a surfing shark or two, and carry on down the path of happy thoughts. Better that randomness than the void.
