understanding

As I go through my life
I have been changed through time
If you read into my mind
You can see I felt left behind

I hated life wanted it to end
I lost my self in misery and sin
Reading back I left a tear
To all that pain through those years

Even though I no longer talked to god
He was always watching from up above
He was laughing I must say
But he wasnt laughing at my pain

What was funny, his own punch line
Is all the reasons I made myself cry
He knew my plans that he held
But laughed because still I fell

Im good with god now I can say
And I thank him for every day
I hope to thank him later in person
Thank him from freeing me from prison

This is me not the reader
For I wont preach to the non beleiver
For in some way god does not exist
He holds plans to all and the rest

I am sure he understands
That we all are a different man
He loves us all even those who seem wrong
But he doesnt judge when we are gone

I dont beleive there is a wrong path
That only ends in gods wrath
He plans everything, he is god
We all will see when we are gone