I smoke

I smoke to forget
About my shitty life
And all the things in it
I smoke to relax
Not worry about life
And the pain, I forget

I smoke to escape
From reality
From the pain
From the depression
From it all

But after I smoke
Things seem more clear
More real
More painful
More depressing

I ask myself more questions
Wonder how things ended up this way
Why havent I done more?
Even though I am limited

Why does it have to be me?
Why did this have to happen to me?
What did I do to deserve this?
Why aren't I as strong?

I used to have such dreams
Had the world in
The palm of my hand
And close in sight

I did great things
I didn't let anything
Hold me back from what I wanted
Or make me stray from my path

Now I'm lost
Want to be myself again
This stranger in the mirror
I don't know who I am

How do I return
To how I was before?
To the girl I used to be?
To the part of me
That was happy?