the ugliest side of me

today you showed me you are the same
just better at manipulating me
seeing clearly through your open eyes
you think im still a fool
you use me today even act so cool
you pretend ..you wanna see me
but i defend you, you believe me
my mind verbally dismantled my self esteem
all because i thought you were my dream
you hurt me so bad why do you not love me
why cant i ever be good enough
i dont like to act too cool to care. too tough
to feel anything real too afraid to commit
too smart to forget try to be too high
above all this love ,,the words you speak
ive wanted to hear but therin lies the fear
dont you see me dieing my thoughts unclear
you only see the ugliest side of me
you overlook all the beauty i posess
in this coversation you hear and feel
two however this is not him to me
this is a note to self a truth so hard it
could only be a conversation between me and myself
me looking in a mirror  at all this that i call me
i guess all ill ever see is the ugliest side of me
the core the center  the heart too weak to care
cause im lost alone  cold and depressed and broken
all i hear are negative or back handed compliments
are few and far if i could turn away these words
or run from them but how can you outrun yourself??
forgive my ugly for my beauty is truth,,,,