deepundergroundpoetry.com
love theorizing (descending 6-1)
these things I say
I feel
these things I touch
are warm
these things I taste, and smell, and hear, and see
are not real
nevertheless
I speak with the words of a
testosterone laden
broken and hopeless romantic
hopeless poet
no one hears these words I say
as well as I do
as well as I know them
within myself
I will die alone
shivering
in the trunk of a car
2000 miles from the next rest stop
my rest comes slowly
(I just wanted to die oblivious in her arms)
I feel
these things I touch
are warm
these things I taste, and smell, and hear, and see
are not real
nevertheless
I speak with the words of a
testosterone laden
broken and hopeless romantic
hopeless poet
no one hears these words I say
as well as I do
as well as I know them
within myself
I will die alone
shivering
in the trunk of a car
2000 miles from the next rest stop
my rest comes slowly
(I just wanted to die oblivious in her arms)
Published 30th Mar 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
loneliness, emotional desolation... the conciseness of verse brings it all out. but it's like the whole poem is a setup for the last line in parentheses, like it's not supposed to be important yet it *is* the poem. i love how you did that.
very moving and lovely write, Nathan.
oh, and there's a typo in second stanza, L2, i think you mean "of a". [:
very moving and lovely write, Nathan.
oh, and there's a typo in second stanza, L2, i think you mean "of a". [:
Anonymous
31st Mar 2011 4:06pm
Another beautiful love theory, Nathan. The dying in the trunk and the final line are mysterious, compelling. I'd recommend you remove the first "hopeless" in the second stanza as the repetition seems clunky, but other than that I wouldn't change a thing.
