So Scarred

Of course I found peace
it's hiding deep beneath the surface
under a piece of stony hate

HATE for your lies
HATE for your alibis
HATE for your hate
HATE for your tries

to mold me into something
I can never become
to force me to conform
to a dogma I can never learn to love

I know a pretty blonde boy who wants to be a pastor
he asked me,

"are you scarred?"

and so I lied between my teeth
"no, I'm fine just leave it be
wait a year and I'll finally be free"

but deep down I knew
I knew so goddamn well
and just like that

FLASHBACK

fifteen year old Wiccan girl
bowing before the altar's feet
acting so pious despite her hate
despite the injustice done upon her

her parents said,
"You will be a good catholic girl
if you say no, you'll be dead to us all"

and so she took the bread
lied before the masses as they confirmed her
confirmed her as a Catholic

oh no..
no don't let me relive this again
I can't lie to the protestant pastor boy
with the lapis lazuli eyes

IM SO FUCKING SCARRED

my spirit killed before my eyes
my love for the human race
it disappeared when I learned to lie
trying to survive and I try
I'm just trying to be me

my love for the earth
my hope lost for its people
my love for those I love
my hate for those who have torn me apart

being content with who I am
helping those who really need me
trying to heal my spirit
but sometimes I feel it is long dead

Little Wiccan girl
just trying to find some hope
hoping that one day people can coexist
coexist without hating each others beliefs

just to coexist

but damnit,
it's only another one of my dreams
it will never ever come to be

and i cannot lie
to the pretty blonde pastor boy
with the lapis lazuli eyes

i am so scarred.