The Darwin Awards (First prize)

Dino Malevski worked at a fast food restaurant in Hollywood California. It was temporary work as far as he was concerned just until he was discovered by the film industry. He was a good looking lad of twenty who thought that was all that was needed was good looks and a good talking voice. He practised in front of his mirror nightly so he knew he was good and getting better.

His boss, Alfonso Grinelli, couldn't understand why he was so slow. Didn't he know Dino needed to protect his hands against the day he would become a famous movie star? And he sure as hell couldn't risk splashing his face with spitting oil, no sir.

Time and again he was told ‘hurry with the fries Dino we got folks a-waitin.’ Dino tried but just couldn't fathom out how to work faster and protect his hands and face at the same time. He liked working at the restaurant though because it was an open kitchen place and sometimes big name stars would drop by for a burger or top film producers with their wives and kids would come in for a quick meal. Yup, it was just a matter of time before he was spotted for sure.

One Saturday night Dino was dreaming of his career and got way behind with the fries and Alfonso had to take over and finally lost patience. He said ‘Dino you’re fired man you’re so slow it hurts to watch ya, git your sorry ass outta my place an’ don’t come back.’

Dino was mortified he sat at home for a week building up hatred for Alfonso; it was all Grinelli’s fault. He knew where his former boss dined every Saturday night with his wife and decided to take his revenge.

Not having much money left he bought a battered old six shooter that came with four bullets from a local junkie for ten dollars. Two shots apiece oughta do it he thought. He loaded the revolver, stuck it in his waistband and went to the restaurant the next Saturday night.

Moving to Alfonso’s table he delivered the speech he'd rehearsed. “Hi Alfonso yer sonofabitch you done ended ma career ya no good bastard. Ah wudda bin famous iffen y’all hadn't a fired ma ass. Now I'm gonna kill yer.’

He drew his revolver, pointed it at the shocked Alfonso and pulled the trigger all he got was a click ‘Shit’ he said disappointed. He then pointed it at Alfonso’s wife and fired again. Click.

'Whadda fuck up wid dis damn thang?’ he asked puzzled. He then looked down the barrel trying to figure out what the problem was and pulled the trigger again!