deepundergroundpoetry.com
Standing in the Dark
I've loved you from so far away
For all these years, you see
But I can not think of what to say
When you're standing next to me
I search for you each day and night
But you're oh so hard to find
I try to think with all my might
Of how to speak these thoughts that cloud my mind
But you never notice me walk by
Or hear these words I speak
Your cruelty makes me want to cry
It's your love I truely seek
Apparently I love thee
with all my heart
But you can't see
You're standing in the dark
For all these years, you see
But I can not think of what to say
When you're standing next to me
I search for you each day and night
But you're oh so hard to find
I try to think with all my might
Of how to speak these thoughts that cloud my mind
But you never notice me walk by
Or hear these words I speak
Your cruelty makes me want to cry
It's your love I truely seek
Apparently I love thee
with all my heart
But you can't see
You're standing in the dark
Published 31st May 2014
| Edited 9th Jun 2014
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likes 1
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comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
31st May 2014 10:25pm
1st Jun 2014 6:03pm
2nd Jun 2014 1:00am
I think this piece has a lot of potential to be more. I'd like more meat on the bones of the story, more emotive language. And it raises certain unanswered questions, such as, why is your love standing in the dark?
And in saying all that I still enjoyed what I found here, enough to comment on its potential.
I hope this helps. :)
And in saying all that I still enjoyed what I found here, enough to comment on its potential.
I hope this helps. :)
2nd Jun 2014 3:40pm
