deepundergroundpoetry.com
When my world came to a standstill
Porcelain shackles chain me to the wall
With deep grazes on my wrists
And blood on my clothes
My feet freed from the stirrups
But didn't bring me to the ground
I fell but not downwards
But into the most deafening sound
And the chime hung in the wind
So light yet so still
As my heart ran out of motion
I tried to clasp onto the wall
And just before my wrists slipped and forever I fell
I tried to call for help
But no words could come out
With deep grazes on my wrists
And blood on my clothes
My feet freed from the stirrups
But didn't bring me to the ground
I fell but not downwards
But into the most deafening sound
And the chime hung in the wind
So light yet so still
As my heart ran out of motion
I tried to clasp onto the wall
And just before my wrists slipped and forever I fell
I tried to call for help
But no words could come out
Published 22nd Mar 2011
| Edited 24th Oct 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
22nd Mar 2011 3:08am
I actually like this quite a lot.
"My feet freed from the stirrups
But didn't bring me to the ground
I fell but not downwards "
Could use a little punctuation maybe.. but other than that, it's quite lovely, and even maybe relieving(?) sort of way.
I get the conflicting messages of "Thank God, I'm free." and "Help me, I'm falling".
"My feet freed from the stirrups
But didn't bring me to the ground
I fell but not downwards "
Could use a little punctuation maybe.. but other than that, it's quite lovely, and even maybe relieving(?) sort of way.
I get the conflicting messages of "Thank God, I'm free." and "Help me, I'm falling".
23rd Mar 2011 11:39pm
Thanks, it was one of those nightmare inspired poems, and yes I guess it could've used some more punctuation thank you for that:) Feel free to read some of my other poems.
22nd Mar 2011 10:43am
22nd Mar 2011 1:00pm
24th Mar 2011 00:20am
the stirrups line got me freaked out but I don't know why, this is the reason your writing is so special as it is very tactile and makes the reader imagine the feelings described..wow x
29th Mar 2011 1:41am
Thank you, this is one my personal favourites of my own poetry. I was describing a dark vivid nightmare and the feeling of forever falling, and numbness to the situation around you. It's always those nightmares that you wake up from and shudder. I put it down on paper the best that I could.
