Wishes of a broken mind

I wish, my river of honey, you weren't as sweet.
Your nectar intoxicates my every crevice,
It turns my mind from the darkness of the night,
To the brightness of day.

I wish my spoon would stay cold,
And my arm would stop hurting.

I wish these sticks would stop burning,
And my lungs would stop charring.

I wish this water would stop scorching,
And my throat would stop searing.

I wish and wish and wish.
But I could never do it alone.
I could never do it.

The poison is so intoxicating,
The feeling is so pure,
So fresh,
So new.
They revitalize.
They give me freedom.
But they kill me too.

I'm ok with that.
I never have feared death.
Everything would be ok.

Still.

I want to be free without middle men.
I want freedom without these things.
I want to have a reason to live.