deepundergroundpoetry.com
Figures and faces
What will we be today?
Each day isn't quite a new day
a blank page devoid of before
a fresh start without foundations,
An epitaph spoken from elegaic lips
by the out of time tragedian
A soul full of the 'Empire of Yesterday'.
Or new wit and wonder
and maybe blunder
Olds words with bionic legs
to juggle and not suck eggs
All quick and quirk
plus a cheeky smirk
The Monkey King
In full swing.
Yet slow and purposeful imperiousness comes forth
With justly measured comments,
a defender of the sensible
With a sword and question to make fears fade away
and burn the shadows of ignorance and foul ego
that threaten the good folk
Ready to inform and defend
And with withheld judgement as the guilty may yet redeem themselves,
Yet ready to dispense the killing blow
should they fail the trial of decency by thier own hand.
Watching, waiting, hearing, seeing
The mage gathers knowledge and information
Not to hoard but to share
One hand draws in the words while through another flows a response.
To surf through the information
As One of water.
To forge ideas in fresh ways
As One of metal.
To apply it in daily use
As One of earth.
Whatever we are in these few shapes, we must keep the void at bay.
Not the void. Or other cliche evils such as death and despair.
But to be something and not paralyzed into being nothing because of failing to be everything.
Not the shadowy figure behind the curtain as the others are on stage, but the empty place with hints of other figures.
Each day isn't quite a new day
a blank page devoid of before
a fresh start without foundations,
An epitaph spoken from elegaic lips
by the out of time tragedian
A soul full of the 'Empire of Yesterday'.
Or new wit and wonder
and maybe blunder
Olds words with bionic legs
to juggle and not suck eggs
All quick and quirk
plus a cheeky smirk
The Monkey King
In full swing.
Yet slow and purposeful imperiousness comes forth
With justly measured comments,
a defender of the sensible
With a sword and question to make fears fade away
and burn the shadows of ignorance and foul ego
that threaten the good folk
Ready to inform and defend
And with withheld judgement as the guilty may yet redeem themselves,
Yet ready to dispense the killing blow
should they fail the trial of decency by thier own hand.
Watching, waiting, hearing, seeing
The mage gathers knowledge and information
Not to hoard but to share
One hand draws in the words while through another flows a response.
To surf through the information
As One of water.
To forge ideas in fresh ways
As One of metal.
To apply it in daily use
As One of earth.
Whatever we are in these few shapes, we must keep the void at bay.
Not the void. Or other cliche evils such as death and despair.
But to be something and not paralyzed into being nothing because of failing to be everything.
Not the shadowy figure behind the curtain as the others are on stage, but the empty place with hints of other figures.
Published 26th Apr 2014
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Anonymous
- Edited 26th Apr 2014 1:52pm
26th Apr 2014 1:51pm
"Yet slow and purposeful imperiousness comes forth
With justly measured comments,
a defender of the sensible
With a sword and question to make idiots accountable
and burn away the shadows of ignorance and foul ego
Ready to inform and defend
And with withheld judgement as the guilty may yet redeem themselves."
You want fairness, yet these few words feel like an expression of contempt rather than understanding. If one truly withholds judgement, he does not pointedly label (prejudge) those he questions as "idiots" and "guilty" or in need of redemption.
The rest of this poem feels like positive encouragement to fill ourselves with the leaning experiences of others.
With justly measured comments,
a defender of the sensible
With a sword and question to make idiots accountable
and burn away the shadows of ignorance and foul ego
Ready to inform and defend
And with withheld judgement as the guilty may yet redeem themselves."
You want fairness, yet these few words feel like an expression of contempt rather than understanding. If one truly withholds judgement, he does not pointedly label (prejudge) those he questions as "idiots" and "guilty" or in need of redemption.
The rest of this poem feels like positive encouragement to fill ourselves with the leaning experiences of others.
26th Apr 2014 11:49pm
I have changed that section and hopefully it sounds more like post judgement, or withheld judgement. The figure is one that is ready with the sword, yet always waits to use it, but is ready to strike should the need arise and the guilty prove guilty. There is no prejudgement, but neither is it all naive wonder.
3rd May 2014 1:33am
good lord
it's been a while, sorry 'bout that.I get rather lazy sometimes
this is refreshing in it's authentic-ness, the tempo jumps and different forms.
my first thoughts of stanza one were that it's overrun with words that could easily have been omitted. I liked the change of pace going into stanza two, I think you're rhyme scheme helped cement that, again the next stanza changes, but I think you've manage a decent level of continuity, as with the next.
I think all in, some stanzas lack the clarity of others, well mostly stanza three seems to stand out as the more abstract one. I think, my personal preference would be to see the final stanza as more an afterthought in italics.
I'm fairly pissed at this stage so I keep saying "I think" chances are I'll think something completely different in the morning
I enjoy your mind, it's pretty intelligent and grand to read. I think that if you honed in a little more on your thoughts and presented them to us of the lesser intel in a more dumb friendly way sometimes it'd be nice.
good stuff man, hat tip
oh, and free Gerry you'se bastards
it's been a while, sorry 'bout that.I get rather lazy sometimes
this is refreshing in it's authentic-ness, the tempo jumps and different forms.
my first thoughts of stanza one were that it's overrun with words that could easily have been omitted. I liked the change of pace going into stanza two, I think you're rhyme scheme helped cement that, again the next stanza changes, but I think you've manage a decent level of continuity, as with the next.
I think all in, some stanzas lack the clarity of others, well mostly stanza three seems to stand out as the more abstract one. I think, my personal preference would be to see the final stanza as more an afterthought in italics.
I'm fairly pissed at this stage so I keep saying "I think" chances are I'll think something completely different in the morning
I enjoy your mind, it's pretty intelligent and grand to read. I think that if you honed in a little more on your thoughts and presented them to us of the lesser intel in a more dumb friendly way sometimes it'd be nice.
good stuff man, hat tip
oh, and free Gerry you'se bastards
3rd May 2014 11:36pm
I am glad that the tempo and form jumping somehow seems consistent with the various jumping between personas.
Personally italics smack a bit of sarcasm or of stressing something, and the last stanza is more stating for myself than stating in italics for the reader.
Sometimes I feel that I do not express enough with subtlety and mystery. This was more an exercise than an true attempt. Next time I will remember your words and try to present them plainly, or at least have them in their weblike form next to plainspeak lines.
Thank your for commenting, might make me write poems more often.
What or who is this Gerry you speak of?
Personally italics smack a bit of sarcasm or of stressing something, and the last stanza is more stating for myself than stating in italics for the reader.
Sometimes I feel that I do not express enough with subtlety and mystery. This was more an exercise than an true attempt. Next time I will remember your words and try to present them plainly, or at least have them in their weblike form next to plainspeak lines.
Thank your for commenting, might make me write poems more often.
What or who is this Gerry you speak of?
ah, that makes a lot of sense. I didn't spot the different personas' first time around. (aforementioned inebriation).
perhaps you're right about italics, certainly they help to make an introduction and maybe an after thought.
I'm sure Steven Fry told me that there was a punctuation to indicate sarcasm, though its not used a hell of a lot these days.
subtly, I think natural subtly works very well. that's to say not trying too hard to be subtle can make for a grand read. some people would readily admit to having the subtly and grace of a baby elephant falling down a flight of stairs.
I think the exorcise you set yourself was hard enough given you employed different voices, I find it hard enough to try control one voice. so in my opinion you've done pretty good with the execution.
Gerry. a political jest or pop that might become clearer or might not.
perhaps you're right about italics, certainly they help to make an introduction and maybe an after thought.
I'm sure Steven Fry told me that there was a punctuation to indicate sarcasm, though its not used a hell of a lot these days.
subtly, I think natural subtly works very well. that's to say not trying too hard to be subtle can make for a grand read. some people would readily admit to having the subtly and grace of a baby elephant falling down a flight of stairs.
I think the exorcise you set yourself was hard enough given you employed different voices, I find it hard enough to try control one voice. so in my opinion you've done pretty good with the execution.
Gerry. a political jest or pop that might become clearer or might not.
4th May 2014 9:27pm
I like to think that any attempt at subtlety on my part starts with a metaphor of some sort or style that I then build and build upon.
It was more an exorcism than exercise; getting the voices out clambering for a stage and audience in order to leave room for new concoctions to brew and boil.
It was more an exorcism than exercise; getting the voices out clambering for a stage and audience in order to leave room for new concoctions to brew and boil.
6th May 2014 4:26pm
I think of it more as beating around the bush with as few or many words as possible. I s'pose sometimes tact (where applicable) might compliment subtle too. certainly the metaphor is a fine friend to call upon
